Wild Wednesday!!

August 3/11.

This was the best Wednesday I've had for, - well, at least two weeks! Just kiddin' ya here. This day was pretty frickin' fantastic & hard to top. Right Cayr?

Carrie & me. I love this pic! You can really see how much alike we are. (only my opinion).

After my final treatment, Carrie & I were hoping to get a pic together. A man outside the hospital offered to snap the shot for us, and he did. When he asked why we were doing this photo, I told him my 16 radiation treatments were over. He informed us he had just started a round of 25 treatments for prostate cancer, and had completed #2. I almost cried.

My friend, Cynthia Mulligan (CITYNEWS reporter), a cancer survivor, told me way back in March, that one of these days, I would be the one to inspire others, as she did for me. I didn't believe her. Then, I met this man. Not that I inspired him. Far from it. But I felt such a connection, knowing what he's going thru. Before I could even say a word, he wished me the very best as he handed the camera back to me. I wished him the very same, with tears in my eyes.

Still can't believe my final day of radiation - (treatment #16), happened to coincide with the same day my great friends/family members, Franc & Mary, were set to entertain in the Wednesday Atrium concert series at Princess Margaret Hospital. Too bizarre that this was their scheduled performance day too!

And, a special surprise guest!!

Not only did Franc & Mary perform, but my brother-in-law, Garth of The Nylons, (Franc & Mary's bro), dropped by to appear with them! GENES reunited!! I was SOOOOOOOO surprised!!

Garth, clowning with Mary & Franc - They are the greatest!!

With my bro-in-law, Garth Mosbaugh, whom I have adored since he was a teenager. Through everything that's happened, we remain close and he is oh-so-special to me. It was a blast to see him perform old Genes numbers with Franc & Mary! (And The Nylons have a new CD out called Skintight!) They are in town to promote it and perform some concerts.

The Nylons - Gavin Hope, Tyrone Gabriel, Claude Morrison and Garth

With the Fabulous Franc, Marvellous Mary and Great Garth!! What a fantastic final radiation day with a concert "just for me!!" They even dedicated a song to me - Here Comes the Sun!

"Where's my stylist?" shot - out the door today!! The medical gown is no more!! Bye Bye blue monstrosity!! It's been real.

And the day's "number shot?" - NO numbers. On this, the 16th treatment day, only thumbs up! All is well and now, I'll spend some time recovering at home from all the burning. Carrie took my pic as stand-in "construction worker" today. I got cards, prezzies, you name it!

Lain in front, back row: Kate, Carrie, Tina Nodwell, Franc, Mary, Nancy

Today's table top fantasy? I went skinny dipping! Can you believe it? Not sure where it was, a lake somewhere in Ontario. It was picturesque and isolated. I was alone and just jumped in! Funny. What happens in radiation, stays in radiation. (except, of course, if you have a blog).

(something like THIS, I think).

Quite sure it represents the ultimate freedom I've been feeling, now that radiation is over. Only recall skinny dipping once in my life, while at a cottage on a beautiful secluded lake near North Bay with my boyfriend, when I was 19 (the "ultimate age of freedom," - at least, for me). What a time we had. I still remember what it was like - cold, exhilarating, fun & free. I don't expect to be doing it again, but, never say never I guess!! If the right person were to ask! - who knows! LOL Could happen!

I think I'm a little shyer now than I used to be, (although, there are those who would tell you otherwise!) Gotta work on being a bit bolder - more daring. Makes life more out there and exciting, right?

Table top Muzak today? Nothing! Seriously! They didn't playing ANYTHING!! (maybe they read my complaints the day before about Cry Me a River!! - and shut the whole system down!)

Didn't matter anyway. (Who needs music when you're splashing around in a lake with no clothes on)??

Once again, this imagination notion came from the suggestion of a friend who loves skinny dipping and jokes with me about it all the time! (Does this table top escape mean I really want to do MORE of this? Sure would cut back on bathing suit costs!!) I never think these crazy ideas given to me by friends will affect where my brain takes off, but it's happened a number of times. To quote Shatner, "Weird or WHAT??"

So, treatments are OVER!! Guess it's back to reality! (whatever THAT is!!) Don't think I KNOW what "normal" means anymore! - only, the "NEW normal!" - and the new normal is pretty OUT THERE and over-the-top! (But I'm getting used to it!!)

Thanks for a more-than-memorable day gang!! Can't imagine a day like this could EVER happen again!!

Radiation roundup

August 3/11.

Tuesday was a pretty exciting day. Hard to explain exactly what it's like to reach the point when 16 radiation treatments, (and 16 days of rushing to get geared up for the hospital) are almost over, but it's kind of a blast! My heart continues to race, breathing out of whack, energy level skyrocketing outta control and no one has a clue why. Shrinks want to put me on meds, to bring "Intensity Entity" down a notch, or ten. I've decided no. Whatever "I. E." is, has been lodged inside me for a REASON - (I now believe, to get me through cancer treatments), and I'm hanging ON to it, (he? she?) I'm betting on Mum. Just the kind of prank she'd instigate. (to help her daughter survive).

This has been a tough week for some reason, thinking about her, suddenly feeling her in quick, overpowering bursts of sunshine. Sometimes, when my window fills with brilliant, blinding sunlight, I stand and bask in that light, eyes closed, feeling she's there, sending me the power to overcome cancer, (even though she died before knowing I had it). SHE got thru it, so maybe I can too.

My friends/family members, Franc & Mary will be performing in the Atrium at noon on Wednesday!! No, they are NOT performing for everyone else in the hospital, but just for ME because it is my last day of radiation! (just KIDDING...I KNOW I have to share the incredible talents of Franc & Mary with the rest of the world! But I DO think it's beyond coincidence that they happened to be scheduled to perform on my LAST day of treatment! - and they didn't even KNOW it!) Somebody upstairs is orchestrating this whole friggin' thing, I have no doubt. Mum? Nadine? Uncle Ev? Someone else? Difficult to say.

As for Civic Holiday Monday, it ALMOST seemed like "Intensity Entity" was leaving me. Actually felt calm for...an hour...or two. Thought I.E. was dying, or maybe on the way out, but I was wrong. Seems, "it" was only sleeping - (while I was wide awake), because today, it's been back, stronger than ever, with ultra-vengeance! Crazy.

Radiation table top today? Muzak? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not again! Cry Me A River by Diana Krall. (how many times can I hear this in a week?!?) Gak.


I don't hate the woman, OR the song, but, I could so use something hotter on that table! Come onnnnnnnnnn!

In fact, the other day, an old friend of mine was talking to me about the hottest songs in the universe and came up with two numbers by the late, great Teddy Pendergrass. I never really knew his work, but after checking these songs, Ai Carumba!! - Hand me a fan! Definitely good table top stuff!

My friend suggested his version of "Do Me", (which was bad enough - wow!!), but then told me I should see his beyond phenomenal LIVE performance of "Turn Off The Lights" (1982), shot before his horrifying accident, which left him paralyzed. OMG, Teddy sweats up a storm up there on stage and smoulders his way thru the tune, singing lyrics like, "I'm lyin' here, - waiting my dear, - whatever YOU want to do Baby,"... we both agreed, the man KNEW what women wanted! If THIS performance doesn't throw you into overdrive, nothing EVER will!!


So ya, wouldn't have minded hearing THIS on the table, instead of Cry Me a River!! LOL

So, onward now to "Where's My Stylist?" - (nowhere to be found, apparently). Strangely, dragged out one of Mum's old scarves, which I inherited, (a stained glass window pattern), along with my beret. Nothing like a crappy looking gown AND bad humidity hair day!

Table top fantasy today? Didn't go far...in fact, nowhere! Just knowing the treatments are almost over, had me dreaming of the dressing room, thinking about wrapping up treatments, getting dressed, walking out and leaving them behind! In my mind, someone - not sure who, held my hand, (the hand they have pushed back into the "over-the-head arm contraption"), and it helped get me through the treatment. (thanks mystery table top guest!)

So, treatment #15 - over! Last one on Wednesday!! - 1:45 p.m.
Then, time to party!!

Lucky #13 & "table trips"!!

July 28/11.

I've written about this before. 13 has always been my lucky number. So it wasn't scary to me that today was radiation treatment #13. Been there, done that now, and 13 is SO outta here! 3 more to go.

Let me see if I can put something into words. Visions, pictures, thoughts, feelings, ideas, things people tell me, - these are all difficult to translate. Over the past few weeks, several friends have said things to help get me through radiation treatments.

These things run the gamut from crazy to funny, illogical to romantic, brilliant to off-the-wall, super serious to right-out-there. Few of them make a lot of sense, and that's what I LOVE! The wilder the better.

I think it began when one special friend simply suggested that when I go for radiation, to "Think about one of Auntie Ray's hats!" I laughed at the time, but darned if the next day, I didn't do exactly that! SO many times when these inane thoughts pop into my head on the radiation table, I want to burst out laughing, but I'm not supposed to move, so it has to be INTERNAL laughing only. Inevitably something starts to itch, (the second they say, "Don't move!") Then, I have to use the power of concentration to go someplace else in my mind, to relax and often, just to have fun and amuse myself while lying in a strange, uncomfortable environment.
So far, I've been to the Aegean Sea off Mykonos,

to Lindsay (where I used to go with my grandparents as a kid),

(Why is it this pic can make me laugh & cry at the same time? - Carrie?? Explain it to me),

to Century House, (my grandparents' antique shop/home, which was destroyed in a fire years ago, but burns forever brightly in my mind),

to camping in a luxury tent!

(hee hee! MY version of camping!!) - Oh, and, click to enlarge!

to Robert Redford's arms,

 (circa The Way We Were - click to enlarge...lol)

or maybe, The Sting,

(click to enlarge) - just trying to make you laugh!

hmmmmmmmmmmmm, or maybe, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid when he had the moustache! (can't decide). - And...yes, click to enlarge!!

 At one point, another friend told me to think about yellow. Made no sense, but pretty soon, all I could think about was yellow! (hence, my yellow dress obsession today for treatment #13) - Even had it on under the good old medical gown for today's "Where's the stylist?" shot! (but as usual, NOTHING can rescue this garment from hideousness! - not even off-the-shoulder draping). I'll keep trying.

And today's mind trip? A visit to Boca Tabla - Curacao!

Have never been there, but a sweet friend of mine who travelled there, described it, telling me there is an intensity and ferocity about the place (which seems to suit my mood), so I researched the location and learned all about the crashing waves, rock formations, sea turtles, caves, you name it.

After all that, I was dazed out on the table, dreaming of rugged terrain, deep dark caves and thundering waves, (which pretty much drowned out the hum of the zapping machine)!

Oh, and radiation Muzak today? I WANTED the theme song from The Perfect Storm! - but got, Cry Me A River by Diana Krall! (well, at least there was a river running thru my fantasy!!)

#13 has left the building! Pic kindly taken by my favourite security guard at Princess Margaret Hospital! He shall remain anonymous! SSSSSShhhhh. - But HE knows who he is!!
(Still LIKIN' the YELLOW!)

NO clue where I'll go for treatment #14 tomorrow! Any ideas??

Move on down the road!

July 27/11.

Getting there! 12 treatments down. Only 4 to go.
Winding down. (or is it UP??)

I almost feel guilty that there are so many people going thru such tough times with radiation and everything else, but I'm feeling better than ever.

How is it possible?? Don't know WHY, don't know HOW, don't know WHAT is making this happen, but thank God for it. (Mum, seriously, is it YOU? - Wouldn't be surprised if she was saying to me, "Hi dear. Your Gramma, Uncle Ev & I are NOT going to let you suffer any side effects! We formed a committee and that's the unanimous decision!")

Today's "radiation table mind trip" took me camping! (Carrie, if you or Paul see this, you will be in hysterics! YES!! I went camping, in my head! And it was actually FUN! Details stop here. What happens in Algonquin Park, STAYS in Algonquin Park) Radiation Muzak? Can't take it....What the World Needs Now is Love. No! NOT accepting it! Bring on Bryn Christopher this minute. Take my breath away Bryn!! (as you do every day in the car).

OK gang. At a loss here. Had SO many "props" with me in the change room, I couldn't decide WHAT dressing room pic to to use today! So, what the hell? Let 'er rip! - I'll flash them ALL for you!!!!!! (Hope you're laughin' here!) - Do you know how LONG it takes to "bend" the edges of a medical gown into something hot? Well, pretty much impossible. Call a designer, STAT!!

Writing this blog gives me such a lift, - trying to come up with something, anything, to give readers a giggle. Instead of choosing ONE
change room look, giving you my all! (To quote Kramer again, "I'm OUT
there Jerry, and I'm LOVIN' it")!! - Try to remember, I have, - like two minutes in the change room to create this, before someone discovers what I'm doing and knocks on the door! I work fast. The news biz taught me how.
(Man I miss fast!) Breathless here. Love it!!

While I was in the atrium, freaked, when I saw this sign!!!!!!!!
(I know, it's dim).

Couldn't believe it, - my family members, Franc & Mary, will be PLAYING IN THE ATRIUM on Wednesday August 3rd!! This HAS to be from on high...
(or from the beyond-phenomenal Kevin Shea at the Princess Margaret Foundation), or from, who knows?

Franc & Mary will BE there, performing, on my LAST day of radiation! (Coincidence? I think NOT!!!!!)

On top of this, my last treatment day was SUPPOSED to be Tuesday August 2nd, but, I was told, due to the Civic Holiday, it will be PUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHED till Wednesday. So, guess what? I will be celebrating my brains out with Franc and Mary - (and, may I add, anyone ELSE who wants to party in the Atrium!) on Wednesday at 1 p.m. when their show wraps up! -
Franc & Mary don't even KNOW this yet! I will bring party hats and noise makers!

Now, to wrap this all up....my own "personal security man" rushed to my aid today to take this #12 pick for me. (He is so sweet and funny, - even saying to me, "How are you going to do #12??) Lemme SHOW you!!

10 + 2 = 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My best pal, Joanne & I concocted the "finger action!" (LOL) I just love having a special guest along to be "on camera" with me! And Bruce! (back in L.A.) - thanks for loaning your wife to me! Wish you were here too. You could have written some brilliant, Emmy-winning, Kramer-like moments for us!!

Bring on #13! It's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS lucky!!!!
Can't wait for Thursday!

Heavy duty hugs coming your way.

Radiation roundup

July 25/11.

My lifelong pal, Joanne, (visiting her old hometown of Toronto from Los Angeles), came to my house this morning to catch up with me on everything. She's the only person I know who would hang out on the sofa in the bedroom, yakking with me, while I sat on the floor, doing makeup! Funny.

A little later, we took off for lunch at our favourite place, The Friendly Greek. She rarely gets to dine there, as Toronto visits don't come along every day. Their food is SOOOOOO delish.

Joanne at The Friendly Greek

We split an order of deep fried calamari and had salads. Their Greek chicken salad is the best! (no dressing, no onion for me! Yuck)

Ever since Joanne heard I was starting radiation, she's been saying she'll accompany me to treatments when she gets here, and she's always true to her word! First time anyone has hung out with me in the basement! While waiting for me to come out, Joanne said she found it sad. I sure know what she means. When I first started coming to Princess Margaret Hospital, it was tough to see so many sick and struggling people going through such tough, trying and scary times. But now, after three months of visits, (even though it's still difficult to watch), I feel I've become part of a special community.

Today's "where's the stylist?" look - a borrowed rainbow hat from Kate and the now, ever-present red belt. Pretty hot, eh? (LOL) - TEASE!

Let's see, radiation room Muzak today? Back to "The Look of Love" again - by Diana Krall. (come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn guys, can you flip the tape once in while? Shake it up a little!) I've gotten to really relax during these treatment times, which are somewhat of an escape for me. The mind can take you anywhere in the world in three minutes! Joanne laughed and said I'm the only person she knows who will MISS radiation when it's over!

After treatment, time for the weekly visit to fill out a DART form (Distress Assessment and Response Tool). The computer form asks how you're feeling on a scale of one to ten when it comes to nauseousness, (for me, happily, 0), energy level - 10! (thanks to "Intensity Entity" who keeps me revved at all times), fatigue? - 0 (no time for fatigue!) and pain, which I rated at 4. The arm pain just never goes away, but, whatever.

Then, on to see the radiation oncologist who went over the form and checked me out for side effects, (which, so far, are few). Six more to go, so not sure what will happen after that!

And today, (stepping into the role of "construction worker!), Joanne took over the hospital photog duties! She was happy to snap the shot for "number 10" - BOTH hands! (What I'm going to do tomorrow...for number 11, not sure!)

Joanne has been reading the blog religiously from day one in L.A. and said she wanted to do a hospital "10" pic too! (More fun with a friend!!)

Thanks for coming along for the ride Joanne!

"It's ALWAYS something"! (thank you Roseanne Roseannadanna!)

July 21/11.

A little tribute to the late great Gilda Radner.

Remember her as Roseanne Roseannadanna? (then you must be my age!!) She was simply fantastic.

Gilda apparently wrote that line when she was 12 after her Dad developed a brain tumour. Within days he was bedridden and unable to communicate, and remained in that condition until his death two years later.

Gilda herself died in May, 1989 of ovarian cancer. I always adored her. Right from the time we first saw her in Godspell at the Bayview Playhouse, (along with Martin Short, who I featured in the blog about a week or so ago).

Is this picture not the CUTEST?? Taken in 1973 during the Godspell run.
Left to right, - Avril Chown, Victor Garber, Gilda, Gerry Salsberg, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Rudy Webb, - and in front, Valda Aviks. Unforgettable cast. Can't even TELL you how many times I saw Godspell!

Today, I could relate to "It's Always Something!" Rough morning, but with about two hours work, I can clean up real good. Woke up at 4:40 a.m. (following about 2 and a half hours of fitful sleep), - close your eyes if you don't like to hear about this stuff - but that's what this blog is actually about....breast cancer. - At any rate, skin turning pink and starting to burn, right arm more numb and tingly than ever, pain shooting everywhere all thru the arm and underneath, where the node was cut out and nerves damaged, felt I was going to pass out. (Other than that, just fine).

More than anything else, the whole thing made me SO DAMN MAD, since I want to be the person with NO symptoms or side effects and to BREEZE through everything. Pretty much HAVE been since recovering from the actual surgery. But now, I know, I'm only human I guess.

#8? YOU ARE SOOOOOOO OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - (cue windstorm!)

Radiation photo pic #8, kindly snapped by a young man standing outside the hospital who happens to work at Mount Sinai. (strangely, had to wait for him to finish smoking a cigarette, before he could take the shot. Weird, eh?? - Does the word CANCER mean anything??)

Today's radiation treatment Muzak? Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like A Woman"! (know THAT feeling Babe), followed by her tune, "When You Kiss Me." - "When you’re with me, the world just goes away." (Likin' THAT lyric!)

And today's "lack-of-stylist" moment? Max's Jason Mraz hat in the change room. (and ya, brought back the red belt. I mean, really. There is just NO point to a medical gown pic without a belt!) Gimme a break gang...I TRY to have fun, even if I feel like crap.

Later, went to my second session with the therapist. Yep, cried in her office, about Mum, the loss of the Hidey Hole, the inheritance, (which was great, but emphasized the point that I don't have HER), my constant feeling of intensity and on and on. She still thinks I need to douse Intensity Entity with anti-psychotic medication. But I'm not prepared to do that. - I.E. and I have an, (lol - "intense") relationship! - and have been together since the surgery ended. Whatever "it" is, seems to be playing a big role in Being Alive! - (Oh no, am I actually going to repeat this song? Apparently, I am. Take it Raúl Esparza, with Sondheim's Being Alive!!)



The GOOD news is, the radiation Doc (who was more sympathetic towards me than the therapist), told me I'm doing great, gave me some sample cream to use on the burning, told me to come over and visit anytime I like to have someone check me out if I'm feeling strange, shaky or stressed, and encouraged me to just get through the next 8 sessions. The nurse, was even kinder, talking to me about the emotional upheaval of cancer and giving me some very useful tips on surviving the treatments. She listened to my tale of woe about Mum, the selling, closing and goodbye to the house, the closure I don't want, the cancer crap and on and on, and told me, "Stop thinking about others and put YOURSELF first". She said no matter HOW hard it is, I HAVE to look after MYSELF and do things that make ME happy. OK then, bring it on! #9 tomorrow! Cancer, you are SO goin' down!!

Tightest hugs everyone!

Lucky 7!

July 20/11.

Fun tymes at Princess Margaret Hospital today! Radiation treatment #7 is history. Just 9 more to go. Everything went perfectly. Smooth as silk. Radiation Muzak? The love theme from St. Elmo's Fire.

Earlier, while waiting for my treatment time, decided to hang out in the lobby for a while - (it's much nicer than the basement! Even though the radiation area is pretty, has comfy seating and a fish aquarium, it doesn't smell good - kind of like a sewer overflowed or something). So waited upstairs, in front of the atrium lobby window next to Druxy's, looking out at all the busy comings and goings - (directly behind where I'm standing here).

Due to the wild heat, was wearing my favourite new summery floral dress for the first time, - (it's actually shorts UNDER a skirt - great design!)

A handsome guy passing by spotted me trying to take an autocam pic, stopped and asked if I'd like him to take it for me.

I said definitely, and he did. - So here's radiation pic #7, - "humidity hair" and all, courtesy of a man who wished to remain anonymous! If you insist sir. - And thanks! (oh, could you come back again tomorrow? I'm getting kind of tired of hoping a construction worker will rush to my aid!)

While hanging in the lobby, I noticed a hospital security guard heading my direction. Thought he was going to tell me I couldn't stand there or something. Instead, I looked up, greeted him with a smile and hello, and he suddenly said, "I would just like to tell you that you look like a beautiful Barbie doll." I almost fell off my high heels! Told him he just made my week...or month! The man said he'd noticed me the day before, thought I might have been an actress or model or something, (ya, I KNOW, that was really pushing it!), but still, nice of him to say. I told him about the blog and he said he will read it. Minutes later, after explaining I'm a patient at the hospital, he brought me a chair! It's been years since I got this kind of attention - at least standing around a hospital! PMH has it all.

All I could come up with for today's change room shot was a matching blue belt. Tried to use it to create an "empire waist" effect. Dismal failure, but, did what I could.

Tomorrow, I'm going to team the medical gown with a Jason Mraz fedora to see how it looks! (OK with YOU Jason, "Mr. Lucky?")

"Yep! Whatever you want Lain. I'm feelin' lucky. Steal my style! Lemme know how that works for you."

I'll try anything once!! (will borrow the hat from my son, Max). Who knows? Might start a new trend! Take it Jason & Colbie!



Stay cool everyone! They say it'll be a scorcher on Thursday.