Here we go again!

May 26/13.

I've been lucky enough to have two years cancer-free after my breast lumpectomy in April 2011. Has been a wild roller coaster ride of emotion, but I'm still here, hangin' on. I try to enjoy the calmer moments, but they feel few and far between. There always seems to be something just ahead and around the corner, - another road block or hurdle to overcome. Was back at Princess Margaret and also Mt. Sinai for more tests last week. The stress and fear brings on much anxiety. For months, this blog has morphed into more of a personal life story, but I think I have to return for a while to the original concept of a medical blog with no candy coating. One of my most recent tests was an abdominal ultrasound. There's no pain involved, but hearing the results is not exactly a walk in the park. Among the discoveries? - a couple of Bartholin cysts; a tiny 5 mm cortical cyst in the mid/lower pole of the right kidney; small myometrial cysts in the fundal area of the uterus, measuring up to 3 mm, likely due to adenomyosis; and a possible echogenic lesion, suggestive of a polyp in the cervix. (whatever all that means!!) Reading my medical journals now. Ai yi yi.

After hearing all that joyous news, took the time to stroll the courtyard on the 16th floor at Princess Margaret to try and clear my head. It was a beautiful day.

And later, checked the inspirational board in the lobby.

That evening, was able to get my mind off things at a birthday party for my littlest cousin, Sienna, who is turning two! She is sitting on the knee of her stunning Mum, Sacha.

My cousin, Kevio, couldn't believe his granddaughter is hitting the two-year mark! (it actually doesn't happen officially till June 13th, but the party was early).

Kev celebrated at the barbeque, grilling up burgers, hotdogs, veggie dogs and turkey dogs! I had my first burger in as long as I can remember and it was fabulous!

Among the guests, (left to right), my nephew, Lee, Carrie's partner, Paul Nodwell, and my sis, Carrie!

It was quite a bash, especially when Kev's Rough Trade musical partner, Carole Pope showed up! (she was en route to a gig that evening).

It was fun to see a Kevan/Carole reunion!

Max and Kate provided some music!

And so did Lee. He's been selected as one of only eight students to join the vocal music course at Humber in September and has a stunning voice. He sang John Mayer's Stop This Train, one of my fave songs.

Sienna seemed quite into it all!

The food and presentation was amazing.

And of course, there was wine and plenty of snacks, 

and balloons!

A good time was had by all.

Lee and Max (now ages 17 and 18), played under the deck like the old days when they were little kids together! So cute, and now, both GREAT young men! They bring such happiness to our lives.

Sacha and Sienna are both about to return to Malta to see Sienna's Dad for a number of months. They'll be so missed here. Kevan and Marilyn don't want them to leave. Now they'll have to do all their visiting via Skype.

The next day, we drove to Newmarket for another party! This one at the home of Neil and Carolyn (Sam's brother and sister-in-law). It was a welcome-back bash for their daughter, Jenny, visiting for a few days from Edmonton, where she now works. (left to right, Geoff, Debbie, Justin, Neil, Jason, Max, Kate)

We brought Sam's Dad, Ben with us. He loved seeing the whole fam together.

Another day of fantastic food! (my weight is going up!)

All ordered from the Mandarin. Torpedo shrimp galore, ribs, lemon chicken, veggies, sweet and sour sauces,

mango salad, egg rolls, spring rolls and on and on and on!

Jenny was the belle of the ball! What a beauty. Great to see her.

We all checked out the massive swimming pool and sundeck being built next door. Wow!

A big thank you to Carolyn and Neil for opening up their home for such a beautiful party, (despite having just driven home in a mad dash from their Falls Bay place up north!) They still managed to pull it off perfectly!

We got back to Toronto in just enough time to head to Withrow Park 

for the annual Victoria Day fireworks display!

It was really fun to watch the exploding colours in the sky with Kate and Max.

After all the partying, it was onward to Mt. Sinai. I thought it was to talk about the results of the ultrasound, but NO! Another big surprise. I was told I had to have a uterine biopsy (also known as an endometrial biopsy), right there and then. No warning. Nothing. I asked about anaesthetic, maybe some lidocaine, (which is given to many women for this test), but the answer was a firm no. 

All around me were instruments that didn't look too pleasant.

Stuff right out of David Cronenberg's film Dead Ringers - (1988). Yikes.

With straw-like thingamajigs to collect the samples. Get me outta here!

Dr. Alarab told me she'd just done the same procedure on the woman in the next examination room and she had NO problem and was actually laughing through it all. I explained to her, I have a low threshold for pain. Most women get advance notice and are instructed to take up to four Advil before this procedure so the pain won't be so bad, but I wasn't given that advice. (thanks Doc). Lemme tell ya, it hurt like hell and I was yelling out loud. Afterwards? Lots of bleeding and aching inside. Sure as hell glad that's over with - (even though the Doc said she wasn't sure she got enough of a sample and she might have to repeat the test). Terrific.

Oh no! Enter my old blog mascot, The Cowardly Lion!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXhaBHGhUOI

Time to jump out the window and run for the hills!

Now all I have to do is wait three weeks for results, (which may or may not be cancerous).

To make myself feel better, it was off to see my pal

Paul Taylor, master stylist at JC Salons.

He listens to all my tales of woe and sends me home with a better outlook - (and better hair!)

Thank you, as always, Paul!

On Friday, I took a "me day" to do whatever I liked. It was terrific all-around. I have one friend (who prefers to remain anonymous), who never fails to make me laugh and help rid me of anxiety for a day. (only wish that could happen EVERY day). For now, guess I'll stay on the Clonazepam, keep running on the track and breathe deeply.  Fingers crossed, all will be well.

Anxiety's a bitch!

April 3/13.

Anxiety's a bitch. It's been over seven weeks since I posted a blog entry. Just haven't felt like writing. Stress and anxiety holding me back. Ask me how it took over my life and I can't really answer. It's just there. All the time. Several good Docs at Princess Margaret Hospital have been helping me as much as they can with ideas, suggestions, books and a few drugs.

I try to hold it together - mask it on the outside with makeup,

hair (by the master -  Paul Taylor),

shellac manicures, (by artist extraordinaire - Tom at Urban Nails), but underneath, I'm shaking like a leaf, afraid of the future, lacking in the self esteem department and not sure how to change or fix my life.

In short, I'm going through a phase where I'm a bit of a mess. Brought on by breast cancer? - by the deaths of people I love? - by the knowledge that change is inevitable and there's not a thing I can do about it? Maybe all of the above and more. Sometimes, no matter how grateful you are for the gifts you've been given, life can just get you down once in a while. Anyway, cut, print, moving on. (or trying to, anyway!) My psychiatrist at Princess Margaret knows I don't do well with change. He says tons of people feel that way and recommended this book.

I bought it and am reading it now, all about these four little characters and how they react to change. He thinks it will help me.

So, what's been happening over the past few weeks? Plenty. Time to catch up!

There was pancake Tuesday, - Aunt Jemima and I ALWAYS whip up some flapjacks on that day.

They're pretty darn ugly, - but good!

And it's also the only day of the year I ever fry up bacon!

And then there was Valentine's Day.

My son, Max, gave me a heart shaped box of Charlie Brown chocolates! Cheers!

He also spent time with his lovely girlfriend, Robyn complete with some romantic gifts.

Had to visit the Bay Cat Hospital again,

 to pick up medication for our 16-year-old cat, Tru,

who has a problem with her eye. This pic was taken weeks ago. The eye looks MUCH better than this now!

Went to Hiscotts, the fabulous professional makeup store to get some industrial strength bag cream. First discovered the place while working at Global TV. Our makeup artists ordered tons of products here. It's on Yonge Street,

right across from College Park.

Checked out the new building going up. Massive.

And later, packed up a pile of stuff

to take to drop off at Value Village. Time for spring cleaning!

And as usual, spent plenty of time in grocery stores - here at Loblaws. We're always running out of everything!

February was such a drab month, weather-wise.

Picked up some cheery flowers to brighten up the house.

Had a great outing with my daughter to the Distillery district

at the Michael Young Theatre, where the fabulous Brent Carver was performing his emotional solo show. Sent a note backstage, asking if he'd come out after the show to see us. Can't count the times I interviewed Brent at Global TV, so wanted to say hi.

Lots of fans hung around the lobby, hoping he'd show up!

He was very kind and minutes after the show, posed for a pic with Kate, who is a big fan!
It was a very memorable show and his voice has never been better.

He signed some autographs too.

One night, my sister, Carrie and I had a rare dinner out together at Christina's on The Danforth. Fab food!

Including the famous flaming cheese. OPA!!

Meanwhile, Max spent hours in the basement with Ghost Daze bandmates - bassist, Charles (left) and lead singer and guitarist, Emmett (centre), rehearsing for several big shows. They always use a little of their time unwinding over a few games.

One morning, woke up to the sound of a big truck right outside our house.

Turned out to be another tree service company,

there to cut down one of the most gorgeous trees on the street. After a very blustery winter storm, the tree had become too dangerous and had to come down. Homeowner Gunther wasn't happy, but apparently, it had to be done. Sigh.

No one could drive down our street for several hours,

and now all that's left of the lovely tree, is the stump. So sad. Guess I'm a tree hugger at heart.

The next day, off to my fave hair salon, I N I at Bloor and Bathurst.

Owner Jennifer Porritt (fabulous stylist and a sweet friend), brought her two little boys into work.
Danville (5) and Solomon (3), love hanging out at the salon.

Paul fixed me right up.

Voila! (only wish I could have him with me EVERY day to get that professional look!)

On March 4th, it was a special day. Went to Winners to try on a couple of things and use a gift card I
got from Sam on Valentine's Day. Bought the cream and black top and the blue denim one for spring.

The 4th is the birthday of our late friend, Patrick Spence-Thomas (for many years, a fabulous Toronto TV sound man). He passed away several years ago following complications from diabetes. Every year on this day, we shout, "MARCH FORTH PATRICK!" and meet up at

The House on Parliament (one of his favourite haunts), to raise a glass to his memory and tell a few heartfelt stories.

There was quite a mixed gang in a private upstairs room.

I arrived with a suitcase to loan my nephew, Lee, who was on his way to a baseball tournament in Florida.

Patrick's son, Richard Spence-Thomas (here with his daughter), continues in the sound business and in fact, had just won an award for his work before arriving at the bash.

He was quite touched by the many speeches and tributes from friends and family.
(left to right - Lee's girlfriend, Emily, our bro-in-law, Franc Mosbaugh and Carrie - who was sharing some of her happy memories of Patrick).

We partied the night away, only wishing Patrick could be with us.

Patrick's wife, Mary, was also moved by the evenings events and showed off her special pillow, after recently co-buying a house in France with her niece!

March also brought a visit to Amica, the seniors residence in Thornhill,

with a pretty lobby,

where my father-in-law, Ben Bornstein, was trying out a furnished apartment to see if he liked it as a future place to stay. Turns out, he didn't like it at all and opted to go back home to his condo. (Maybe, NOBODY likes change!!) I sure know that feeling Dad!

On the way home, saw the brand new giant LCBO set to open on The Danforth about six blocks from our place. Guaranteed to get plenty of our business!

(For Henkell - right Kevio)??

In mid-March, we were invited to the Open House for my sister-in-law, Debbie's new home in Newmarket.

She shares it with her terrific significant other, Geoff,

and her 17-year-old son, Justin, who has his own private "Man Cave" in the basement!

as well as his own bedroom!

It's a lovely house,

with a spacious kitchen,



a terrific office/den for Geoff,

 

several modern bathrooms,

 

and plenty of room for everyone. (left to right - Sam, his Dad, Ben and Sam's bro, Neil)

It was a great party and fun to see Debbie so very happy in her new abode! Mazel Tov Deb!

 

Much later that night at home, I came downstairs to discover Max sorting through all of our old VHS tapes and DVDs, putting them in alphabetical order!

 

Yikes! What a wreck! But believe it or not, bit by bit, he got them all back in place! Now maybe we can FIND a movie when we want to watch it!

 

The next day, had dinner with my pal Pam at Omonia on The Danforth. This time, it was her treat! She's not only brilliantly smart and SO funny, but always so generous! We had a three hour, much-needed gabfest, which cheered me up immensely!

 

Oh, and the food was fab!

 

March also called for Subaru service repair for my car,

 

more flowers, (trying to coax the arrival of Spring),

 

a visit to the St. Lawrence Market area,

 

to see the Flatiron building,

 



a stop in at the Beauty Supply outlet for some Paul Mitchell detangling hairspray (the only thing that

can cut its way through the knots in my birds nest hair!)

 

Shopping at the International News store, one of the best magazine/stationary places in town.

 

Bought a very cute notebook called Fifty Shades! Couldn't resist.

 

A trip to the Dundas Square AMC to see The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (not a great flick, but one of the funniest endings I've ever seen!)

 

Kate and her boyfriend, Damian, came with me. We had a lot of fun, not only watching the movie,

 

but also seeing a pretty good street drummer in action!

 

March 17th brought St. Patrick's Day, and the only appropriate item of clothing from the very back of my closet - a moss green turtleneck!

 

Dropped in on cousin Kevio for a St. Patty's Day check up. He's doing GREAT after his serious kidney surgery in January. Yay!

 

Then back over to the Bay Animal Hospital to pick up some cat food. I met the vet's dog, Josie who feels right at home there!

 

Took Max up to Yonge and Eglinton for some shopping and a quick stop at my old stompin' grounds, 100 Roehampton Avenue where I lived for several years in my 20s. I had three apartments there and still remember the numbers - 909, 1010 and 1114! (kept moving from smaller apartments to bigger ones and back again because my room mates, Franelle and Joanne were always coming and going).

 

The next day, a visit to Urban Nails, where Tom fixed me up with new Shellac again.

  

Later in the week, Ghost Daze played a gig. Couldn't believe Charles carried these massive speakers in and out of the car on his own. They weigh a friggin' TON! Charles also drove the van, now that he has his licence!

 

I had another check-up at Princess Margaret Hospital,

 

there's always another check up! (Another MRI coming up in June. Fingers crossed, all will be well!)

 

March 25th, it was time for a Passover Seder at Deb's new place. The first Seder without my beloved Mum-in-law, Jean Bornstein. I cried as Deb said the blessing in her Mum's absence and her proud sister, Jan, watched on.

 

Dad B was brave enough to carry on the Passover tradition with all of us, though he misses Mum so much, as do we all.

 

The oldest Bornstein grandson, Sean, had just recently announced his engagement to girlfriend, Thea. It was nice to have her joining the family for the festivities.

 

Deb, Geoff and Justin had just returned from Cuba the night before, and worked all day, yet still managed to pull off this great party with plenty of food they cooked themselves!

 

It was a fun evening. The very pretty flowers were a gift from Jan and Arlen.

 

Carolyn and Neil brought fresh fruit salad and Sam and I brought traditional dessert Passover goodies - (even though potato chips don't technically count as dessert!)

 

 On March 27th, got the chance to see JC Salon in Bloor West Village.

 

 

 - new home base for master stylist Paul Taylor. I took the TTC, hoping not to get lost!

 

As usual, I need help! Yikes.

 

And thankfully, Paul is always ready for a challenge! - Highlights, lowlights, foils, colour, cut, style, you name it.

 

I can never help but laugh when he shows off his own original technique - a hairspray bottle as a curling utensil! Who knew?

 

The man works wonders with very little to work with!! ha ha! - Thanks again Paul. We have another special date coming up soon! Hope you LOVE it at the new salon, though everyone misses you at INI!

 

On Good Friday, took Max with me to the Eaton Centre, since everything else was closed!

 

We had lunch at the Food Court, which was jammed to the rafters. Had to make a dash to grab a table!

 

In the Dundas/Yonge Square, a man decked out in gold was doing incredible robot-like moves,

 

in front of a crowd,

 

and when Max went up to shake the man's hand, he wouldn't let go until I dropped a loonie in his bin! Hilarious.

 

One never knows what will happen in Dundas Square!

 

The end of the month brought Easter - with plenty of candy available to fill baskets for good boys and girls!

Our humble little Easter table.

 

Had Easter Sunday brunch at The Old Mill.

 

Beautiful table upstairs, all arranged by our cousins, Marilyn and Kevan.

 

Stunning new Mum, (my cousin), Sacha, brought her adorable daughter, Sienna. She'll be two years old soon! She was afraid of the Old Mill's Easter rabbit,

 

but my nephew, Lee, wasn't scared at all!

 

and neither was I!

 

Max and Kate had fun,

 

and a good time was had by all! Happy Easter! Happy Spring!