Lucky #13 & "table trips"!!

July 28/11.

I've written about this before. 13 has always been my lucky number. So it wasn't scary to me that today was radiation treatment #13. Been there, done that now, and 13 is SO outta here! 3 more to go.

Let me see if I can put something into words. Visions, pictures, thoughts, feelings, ideas, things people tell me, - these are all difficult to translate. Over the past few weeks, several friends have said things to help get me through radiation treatments.

These things run the gamut from crazy to funny, illogical to romantic, brilliant to off-the-wall, super serious to right-out-there. Few of them make a lot of sense, and that's what I LOVE! The wilder the better.

I think it began when one special friend simply suggested that when I go for radiation, to "Think about one of Auntie Ray's hats!" I laughed at the time, but darned if the next day, I didn't do exactly that! SO many times when these inane thoughts pop into my head on the radiation table, I want to burst out laughing, but I'm not supposed to move, so it has to be INTERNAL laughing only. Inevitably something starts to itch, (the second they say, "Don't move!") Then, I have to use the power of concentration to go someplace else in my mind, to relax and often, just to have fun and amuse myself while lying in a strange, uncomfortable environment.
So far, I've been to the Aegean Sea off Mykonos,

to Lindsay (where I used to go with my grandparents as a kid),

(Why is it this pic can make me laugh & cry at the same time? - Carrie?? Explain it to me),

to Century House, (my grandparents' antique shop/home, which was destroyed in a fire years ago, but burns forever brightly in my mind),

to camping in a luxury tent!

(hee hee! MY version of camping!!) - Oh, and, click to enlarge!

to Robert Redford's arms,

 (circa The Way We Were - click to enlarge...lol)

or maybe, The Sting,

(click to enlarge) - just trying to make you laugh!

hmmmmmmmmmmmm, or maybe, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid when he had the moustache! (can't decide). - And...yes, click to enlarge!!

 At one point, another friend told me to think about yellow. Made no sense, but pretty soon, all I could think about was yellow! (hence, my yellow dress obsession today for treatment #13) - Even had it on under the good old medical gown for today's "Where's the stylist?" shot! (but as usual, NOTHING can rescue this garment from hideousness! - not even off-the-shoulder draping). I'll keep trying.

And today's mind trip? A visit to Boca Tabla - Curacao!

Have never been there, but a sweet friend of mine who travelled there, described it, telling me there is an intensity and ferocity about the place (which seems to suit my mood), so I researched the location and learned all about the crashing waves, rock formations, sea turtles, caves, you name it.

After all that, I was dazed out on the table, dreaming of rugged terrain, deep dark caves and thundering waves, (which pretty much drowned out the hum of the zapping machine)!

Oh, and radiation Muzak today? I WANTED the theme song from The Perfect Storm! - but got, Cry Me A River by Diana Krall! (well, at least there was a river running thru my fantasy!!)

#13 has left the building! Pic kindly taken by my favourite security guard at Princess Margaret Hospital! He shall remain anonymous! SSSSSShhhhh. - But HE knows who he is!!
(Still LIKIN' the YELLOW!)

NO clue where I'll go for treatment #14 tomorrow! Any ideas??

Visualizing

June 1/11

Can't believe it's June already. Time flies when you're having fun.
Weird thoughts and crazy dreams last night. Even years after leaving Global TV, sometimes I have nightmares about the panic attacks I used to have. I was remembering this actress/consultant the station hired to help anchor people with their on-air presentation. In most cases, she coached the personalities on how to project or be more appealing on air. In my case, she was trying to erase the fear of going LIVE.

I recall her advising me to remember there's a delay on the air, so perhaps that might make me feel a little more comfortable. (but back then, there wasn't a delay). I told her, "LIVE is LIVE!" She said something relevant, like, "Oh." (Even if there WAS a delay, what difference would it make? The audience would only see you cack right out in the middle of a report a few seconds LATER!)

Back in the radio days, another advisor told me I should bring something from home into the station - something that makes me feel at ease or happy, and take it into the news booth with me during newscasts. I brought this little wooden treasure chest bought for me by my Mum on a vacation in New York State when I was a kid. I loved it. (still have it). I put the treasure chest right next to the news script and tried to focus on it for a minute or two before doing the news. Didn't help a bit.

Still another time, the actress at Global told me to just imagine or visualize I wasn't talking to a big audience, but to one special person. Tried to do it. No luck. The only thing that ever helped was beta blockers. Practically lived on the things. So glad those days are over. (only wish they wouldn't continue to haunt me!) I'm shaking now, just thinking back on it.

Have made plenty of attempts to visualize these days, (as the book I've been reading suggests), using the powers of concentration in order to keep cancer cells at bay. Haven't mastered it at all. But I was thinking back to what the actress suggested about the "one person theory". Might work in the case of a blog! Write it, aimed at just one person. But who? I'm workin' on it.

At any rate, while visualizing away last night, fell asleep, and all I kept seeing was Robert Redford! (at least I THINK it was him, but he had darker hair) He was in the upper berth of a moving train. Hee hee. (that's what I get for watching both All the President's Men AND Some Like it Hot in the same evening!)

My dream man??

Finally, after worrying enough about visualization techniques, decided to fuhgettaboutit, go back to my dream and just let Bob Redford scare the cells away for me! Sounds like a whole lot more fun.

"Bring 'em on Lain! I'll scare them off for you! - Now get some sleep! (if you CAN!")

P.S. - Is this not the cutest picture EVER of Robert?????