"It's ALWAYS something"! (thank you Roseanne Roseannadanna!)

July 21/11.

A little tribute to the late great Gilda Radner.

Remember her as Roseanne Roseannadanna? (then you must be my age!!) She was simply fantastic.

Gilda apparently wrote that line when she was 12 after her Dad developed a brain tumour. Within days he was bedridden and unable to communicate, and remained in that condition until his death two years later.

Gilda herself died in May, 1989 of ovarian cancer. I always adored her. Right from the time we first saw her in Godspell at the Bayview Playhouse, (along with Martin Short, who I featured in the blog about a week or so ago).

Is this picture not the CUTEST?? Taken in 1973 during the Godspell run.
Left to right, - Avril Chown, Victor Garber, Gilda, Gerry Salsberg, Martin Short, Eugene Levy, Rudy Webb, - and in front, Valda Aviks. Unforgettable cast. Can't even TELL you how many times I saw Godspell!

Today, I could relate to "It's Always Something!" Rough morning, but with about two hours work, I can clean up real good. Woke up at 4:40 a.m. (following about 2 and a half hours of fitful sleep), - close your eyes if you don't like to hear about this stuff - but that's what this blog is actually about....breast cancer. - At any rate, skin turning pink and starting to burn, right arm more numb and tingly than ever, pain shooting everywhere all thru the arm and underneath, where the node was cut out and nerves damaged, felt I was going to pass out. (Other than that, just fine).

More than anything else, the whole thing made me SO DAMN MAD, since I want to be the person with NO symptoms or side effects and to BREEZE through everything. Pretty much HAVE been since recovering from the actual surgery. But now, I know, I'm only human I guess.

#8? YOU ARE SOOOOOOO OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - (cue windstorm!)

Radiation photo pic #8, kindly snapped by a young man standing outside the hospital who happens to work at Mount Sinai. (strangely, had to wait for him to finish smoking a cigarette, before he could take the shot. Weird, eh?? - Does the word CANCER mean anything??)

Today's radiation treatment Muzak? Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like A Woman"! (know THAT feeling Babe), followed by her tune, "When You Kiss Me." - "When you’re with me, the world just goes away." (Likin' THAT lyric!)

And today's "lack-of-stylist" moment? Max's Jason Mraz hat in the change room. (and ya, brought back the red belt. I mean, really. There is just NO point to a medical gown pic without a belt!) Gimme a break gang...I TRY to have fun, even if I feel like crap.

Later, went to my second session with the therapist. Yep, cried in her office, about Mum, the loss of the Hidey Hole, the inheritance, (which was great, but emphasized the point that I don't have HER), my constant feeling of intensity and on and on. She still thinks I need to douse Intensity Entity with anti-psychotic medication. But I'm not prepared to do that. - I.E. and I have an, (lol - "intense") relationship! - and have been together since the surgery ended. Whatever "it" is, seems to be playing a big role in Being Alive! - (Oh no, am I actually going to repeat this song? Apparently, I am. Take it Raúl Esparza, with Sondheim's Being Alive!!)



The GOOD news is, the radiation Doc (who was more sympathetic towards me than the therapist), told me I'm doing great, gave me some sample cream to use on the burning, told me to come over and visit anytime I like to have someone check me out if I'm feeling strange, shaky or stressed, and encouraged me to just get through the next 8 sessions. The nurse, was even kinder, talking to me about the emotional upheaval of cancer and giving me some very useful tips on surviving the treatments. She listened to my tale of woe about Mum, the selling, closing and goodbye to the house, the closure I don't want, the cancer crap and on and on, and told me, "Stop thinking about others and put YOURSELF first". She said no matter HOW hard it is, I HAVE to look after MYSELF and do things that make ME happy. OK then, bring it on! #9 tomorrow! Cancer, you are SO goin' down!!

Tightest hugs everyone!

Heart-thumping day!

June 16/11

Worked hard at Mum's house today. It was fun. Placed the ad - (by phone), with the Toronto Star for the upcoming estate sale on Saturday at 10 a.m. (Ad will appear in the Friday AND Saturday editions). Carrie and I spent hours, cleaning the place, sorting, hanging clothing, and tons of other things.

With "Serenity Sis" - Carrie, cleaning out Mum's garage
Much time was devoted to sorting Mum's precious record collection. Man, we all loved those records. Music was ALWAYS playing! Found a bunch of LPs we could NEVER let go of in a million years. Hard to tell from the glare, but three of them, - (for ME to keep!), included Mum's fave - Beyond the Fringe - (featuring Dudley Moore!), plus, - The Beatles' - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band (NATURALLY!!) and Godspell! - (sigh, - none of us could EVER get enough of Godspell!) Don Scardino, Victor Garber, Martin Short, Gilda Radner, Eugene Levy and on and on. (Just typing their NAMES here, gives me goosebumps!)

While working inside the house, came across a big box of stones. Mum adored rocks and stones. Everyone brought them to her from trips all over the world. Carrie asked if I wanted to keep any of them. I didn't. She kept one, from a special place in Wales. (Mary - you know what I'm talking about!)

Carrie then said, "OK. We're dumping all the stones into a bag now. YOU take them out and put them in the backyard on top of Teddy (the guinea pig's) grave". I obey my sister. (Do what she says, or trouble will follow you to the end of time, hee hee). Carted that bag of stones to the "headless statue". - Didn't think I'd feel ANYTHING. Dumped the stones out and looked at them. Just stared. Lost in space. Saw there were stones, pebbles, shells, cracked crab claws, pieces of God-knows-what, - you name it. Something caught in my throat. Had to run my fingers thru the mixed bag of rocks, touching them, "connecting." Felt the rush, (felt the tears). Said goodbye to the rocks, (to Teddy), and to Mum, who so loved that eclectic collection of stones. Whew. (Who the hell knew a bunch of old stones and shells could GET to you?)

Didn't even mention any of this to Carrie when I came back inside the house. She had ENOUGH on the go! (when I return on Friday, will take a picture of all the stones for the blog).

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Taking a break in Mum's backyard. (The stones are scattered on the ground about 10 feet directly behind me. Beautiful spot).

Going to try and get some rest, (for once!) To all my friends and relatives, (who may feel I've lost it - and could well be right), - thanks for staying up with me night after night, keeping me company in my own personal Twilight Zone! Cue Rod Serling. (don't worry too much! I'm not scared. I always LOVED The Twilight Zone!)