Backwards working (again)

April 20/12.

Couldn't find it in my soul (or schedule) to write

since Jerry Lewis last Friday the 13th. Giving the scoop now to catch up. (Yep, working backwards again).

(or, more to the point, like Jerry's 1980 movie, - Hardly Working).

My son, Max, took this shot today, sporting my hot, sexy new bling - a holter monitor and flashy electrode patches. So attractive. So De-lightful. So De-licious. So De-lovely. (not)!

The sensitive monitor records your heart's electrical activity. I'm HIGH voltage even at the worst of times, so the contraption should have NO problem picking up "Good Good Good"/(Bad?) vibrations. I've been experiencing crazy palpitations for months, indicating, - what?.......hmmmmmmmm, I'm stressed? Overwhelmed? Freaked? Losin' it? Hitting a GPS brick wall? Jumping the shark? Letting my freak flag fly? Outta control? Over-worked? Under-paid? Intensity Entity-attacked? Heartbroken? Living in The Twilight Zone? (only The Shadow, or maybe Rod Serling, knows for sure)!

"Oh, I KNOW FOR SURE Lain. But I'll never tell. No spoilers here. - For now, you are always welcome to listen to my theme music. It explains a LOT. Love, your good friend, Rod."


Sit-on-edge-of-seat. Cue creepy music. (LOVE it!!!!)

I want a PRETTY-in-pink Princess Margaret pic, - so I'll use this old, (last) summer-y, gauz-y, float-y one.(OK with YOU??)

- (instead of The Good, The Bad and the Ugly REAL deal). Gak. This is how I ACTUALLY looked when I went to the cardiologist's office to get hooked up to the maniacal monitor.

I was instructed NOT to take a shower for 48 hours while wearing this darn-fangled thing.  WTF??
YOU MUST BE OUTTA YOUR COTTEN-PICKEN' MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is just NOT an option!

Anyone who knows me, knows showerless days are NOT possible. Just NO way. So, I wrapped myself in a massive clear plastic bag to protect the machinery - (and if you think I would reveal my face under the towel, you know me even LESS!) Like The Elephant Man, I covered up, washed off the industrial strength waterproof mascara and eye makeup, then scrubbed my hair using the shower hose over the bathtub. Such a beautiful sight. Ha ha! (in situations like this, despite palpitations & anxiety, you MUST keep your sense of humour, or die).

But I had a bit of a problem. Upon attempting to remove the plastic bag, it was stuck to my skin with water. I have NO patience. Tried to tear/rip/yank it off, but no luck. So grabbed a pair of scissors to CUT the bag off. In the process, managed to slice one of the holter monitor wires! Good God.

I was all alone, but SOOOOOOOOOOOO embarrassed.  I felt like my comic idol, Lucy, stuck with the loving cup on her head. WHHHAT TO DO????????

I quickly called Grace, (my cardiologist's secretary) to reveal and admit my tale of woe. She hesitated. The phone was suddenly nothing but dead air. I could hardly breathe, (and my palpitations had reached NEW HEIGHTS!!! How ironic). She told me, "In all my years here, this has NEVER happened before." I said I believed her. She then hit me with the fact that this elaborate piece of equipment is EXTREMELY expensive. (knew that too). She said she didn't have a clue what to tell me to do! I said I would come in the next morning, give her back the monitor and maybe they could salvage some of the earth-shaking, palpitating data, and give me a new monitor to start all over again. (Ai carumba, another 48 hours of monitoring!!??)

That's what she did.

By 10:15 a.m., I was home again, feeling like an idiot - (or the star of a new sit-com). I don't think a comedy writer could even come up with THIS storyline!

Worse than tripping over an ottoman a la Dick Van Dyke,

 or sliding hysterically through the door like Kramer into Jerry's apartment!

But a good friend of mine talked me through the insane mishap, told me to calm down, cool off, shut up, visit the wailing wall in Israel, forgive myself,

cut, print, move on!

Later, I ran into Aubrey Bolton, (one of my blog musical mascots). His ever-present bro, Dana, was nowhere to be found, but Aubrey played me a tune, I bought him a beer & he asked about the electrode on my neck. Told him I'm stressed,  (then thought, I'M STRESSED? How about HIM?- out on the street)! He explained he has girlfriend troubles, saying he gives her EVERYTHING, but it's never enough, so he moved out. One of his fans, a guy named Jerry, (LOVE that name), took our pic together here. Aubrey divulged to me he's now living with a friend who owns a computer, so at long last, he can look up my blog and see ALL the pics I've posted of the Bolton Bros!! (I'm silent prez of their fanclub)!

More to come.
I can remove the holter montior at 10 a.m. Sunday. (and NO ONE will stop me from washing my hair).

Ready for my close-up!

March 21/12.

It's been almost exactly four years to the day since I last had my hair professionally done. Shameful. Yikes. (Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans - Thank you John Lennon). Here's the "before shot", entering the salon.

Illness, time, lack of funds for the most fabulous hair artist in the city, take your pick for the reasons I apparently didn't hit INI Hair Design at 559 Bloor Street West since March 28/08!

I asked office manager/receptionist/stylist assistant extraordinaire Amanda Clarke if she would take pics and chronicle the scary proceedings for me. She was happy to help.

Paul Taylor is a master hair designer/stylist. If you're at a loss about your look and need help, book an appointment with him. He's incredible. He won't cut a single strand without a complete consult. I've watched him work on dozens of people and have NEVER seen a bad cut. ALWAYS GORGEOUS. Everyone leaves happy. (but - HAVE to admit, he was a tad freaked - ha ha! - when he surveyed the sad, sorry shape my hair was in when I arrived at his station). Not a pretty sight. Brace yourself.
It gets worse!

After Paul looked at a whole series of pics I brought to show him what I do (and DON'T) want, the process began. He started with highlights - PINK foils! Kinky!

Then added lowlights and base colour on the roots. (very attractive).

When the colours were done,

next came the wash out, using GO colour method shampoo.

As Kramer would say,
,
"Look away, I'm hideous!" (at 1:00)

Ai carUMba! Gak. Had to laugh when Paul told me the conditioning treatment he chose to use after the shampoo is called MIRACLE! (yep, that's what I need).  FYI, the official name is 

Nourishing Vegetarian Miracle, for dry, brittle hair - (a Davines product from Italy), featuring the ever-popular, Hydrolyzed rice protein, apparently a life-saving ingredient for me! Paul says it replaces all the moisture that's been stripped away, and then instantly and hilariously, went into a vivid vocal impression of my hair, shouting out, "Thank GOODNESS! Yippee! At long last! I'm DRINKING it in!!" I couldn't stop laughing. We'll SEE, Miracle! I'm your biggest challenge to date!

But, AS ADVERTISED, Miracle was miraculous! Paul combed through my bird's nest with ease! 

Note to self: Buy some of this stuff! But he wasn't done yet. 

Paul also sprayed on a little I.C.O.N. Cure, (which I buy all the time), as well as some MESH moisturizing styling cream from Spain (also part of the I.C.O.N. line), and then added a pea-sized amount of Relaxing fluid Defining Line from Davines. Good grief. It takes a village!

Then he spent 15 minutes blow-drying and styling (only wish I could show his blow-drying technique. NO ONE can figure out how he does it!) - and, voila, presto, abracadabra, no problemo,  ta-DA!!

Thank you Paul! You truly are a miracle worker and a hair master!

As for what he actually did with the scissors, Paul says he had it all mapped out in his head beforehand, - worked out a "formula", then cut square layering all around to give lots of volume and movement and finally, angled layering in the front, around the face. When it was done,

he spritzed it with #7 Crystal Fixative lacquer by Davines (for Wizards - whatever that means). It smells SO good and feels very light. Leaves hair soft, not sticky or helmet-heady. (And ya, I bought a bottle). I mean, come on. After four years, I need a change!!! 

Thanks to the beautiful Jennifer Porritt, who owns INI Hair Design, and allowed me to shoot all these pics in her salon. She did my hair for many years (at various salons) during the golden Global glamour days and introduced me to Paul, whom she'd partnered up with at INI, telling me he's incredible. I went with her recommendation. (Boy, was she right!) Jen is an amazing young entrepreneur, brilliant as a stylist and mother of two young boys - (Danville, almost 5 and Solomon, about to turn 3). She ties with Paul as best hairdresser I've ever encountered.

And Amanda, love the shots you took! You're a doll.

Andrea snapped one more pic on the back, 3rd floor balcony at INI just before I went home, feeling happy about my hair for the first time in EONS! SO happy in fact, I've booked a new appointment with Paul on May 4th! (and my daughter, Kate, who also loves Paul, is seeing him next week for a new spring look)!

Move on down the road!

July 27/11.

Getting there! 12 treatments down. Only 4 to go.
Winding down. (or is it UP??)

I almost feel guilty that there are so many people going thru such tough times with radiation and everything else, but I'm feeling better than ever.

How is it possible?? Don't know WHY, don't know HOW, don't know WHAT is making this happen, but thank God for it. (Mum, seriously, is it YOU? - Wouldn't be surprised if she was saying to me, "Hi dear. Your Gramma, Uncle Ev & I are NOT going to let you suffer any side effects! We formed a committee and that's the unanimous decision!")

Today's "radiation table mind trip" took me camping! (Carrie, if you or Paul see this, you will be in hysterics! YES!! I went camping, in my head! And it was actually FUN! Details stop here. What happens in Algonquin Park, STAYS in Algonquin Park) Radiation Muzak? Can't take it....What the World Needs Now is Love. No! NOT accepting it! Bring on Bryn Christopher this minute. Take my breath away Bryn!! (as you do every day in the car).

OK gang. At a loss here. Had SO many "props" with me in the change room, I couldn't decide WHAT dressing room pic to to use today! So, what the hell? Let 'er rip! - I'll flash them ALL for you!!!!!! (Hope you're laughin' here!) - Do you know how LONG it takes to "bend" the edges of a medical gown into something hot? Well, pretty much impossible. Call a designer, STAT!!

Writing this blog gives me such a lift, - trying to come up with something, anything, to give readers a giggle. Instead of choosing ONE
change room look, giving you my all! (To quote Kramer again, "I'm OUT
there Jerry, and I'm LOVIN' it")!! - Try to remember, I have, - like two minutes in the change room to create this, before someone discovers what I'm doing and knocks on the door! I work fast. The news biz taught me how.
(Man I miss fast!) Breathless here. Love it!!

While I was in the atrium, freaked, when I saw this sign!!!!!!!!
(I know, it's dim).

Couldn't believe it, - my family members, Franc & Mary, will be PLAYING IN THE ATRIUM on Wednesday August 3rd!! This HAS to be from on high...
(or from the beyond-phenomenal Kevin Shea at the Princess Margaret Foundation), or from, who knows?

Franc & Mary will BE there, performing, on my LAST day of radiation! (Coincidence? I think NOT!!!!!)

On top of this, my last treatment day was SUPPOSED to be Tuesday August 2nd, but, I was told, due to the Civic Holiday, it will be PUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHED till Wednesday. So, guess what? I will be celebrating my brains out with Franc and Mary - (and, may I add, anyone ELSE who wants to party in the Atrium!) on Wednesday at 1 p.m. when their show wraps up! -
Franc & Mary don't even KNOW this yet! I will bring party hats and noise makers!

Now, to wrap this all up....my own "personal security man" rushed to my aid today to take this #12 pick for me. (He is so sweet and funny, - even saying to me, "How are you going to do #12??) Lemme SHOW you!!

10 + 2 = 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My best pal, Joanne & I concocted the "finger action!" (LOL) I just love having a special guest along to be "on camera" with me! And Bruce! (back in L.A.) - thanks for loaning your wife to me! Wish you were here too. You could have written some brilliant, Emmy-winning, Kramer-like moments for us!!

Bring on #13! It's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLWAYS lucky!!!!
Can't wait for Thursday!

Heavy duty hugs coming your way.

Whatever gets you thru the night

June 21/11

I don't think I ever completely GOT John Lennon's full message when he sang, "Whatever gets you through the night, - 'salright, 'salright."

I THOUGHT I did, but now I realize I couldn't totally relate to it, till receiving the cancer diagnosis more than three months ago. NOW, I do. I get it John.



Astounding sometimes, what the fear of cancer can do to you. Don't even want to SAY what's gotten ME thru the night sometimes, but lemme tell you, (as Kramer might say to Seinfeld), "It's OUT there Jerry! It's OUT there! And I'm LOVIN' it!!"

(Here's KRAMER's actual version of these thoughts! Fantastic!)



Getting thru the night can be as SIMPLE as talking to my kids, or watching them laugh and play video games with the people they're in love with.

How could you NOT get thru the night after seeing THESE beautiful, laughing faces in the den? (left to right) - Damian, Kate, Robyn, Max. They all bring such a vibrancy to the house and to my life!
Or, it can be as COMPLEX as the intricacies of spending months clearing Mum's house, getting rid of her treasured belongings, putting the house on the market and saying goodbye to everything. It can also be a million other wild and wacky things somewhere in BETWEEN simple and complex.

Luckily, SOME old friends (and, of course, family members), GET what I'm going thru and simply roll with all the punches. Maneuvering the winding roads of the medical world, dealing with the emotional ups, downs, highs, lows, (on TOP of the "Mum stuff"), can leave you a little loopy. Ya think?? - Doh!

I have one newer friend whose very funny and extremely original blog concepts helped inspire my own. I didn't know him, but started reading his blog a few years ago, (back when I WANTED to launch a blog, but had NO clue what to write about). That changed, when I found out I had cancer. (then, I suddenly KNEW what to write!)

He lives far away, so we only speak (and laugh) on line. When I talk to him, no matter what state I'm in, it somehow feels, - All's right with the world, and I can breathe again. (That's what humour can do for you - ERASE bad days, give you the courage and frame of mind to keep moving forward). Can't wait to see what craziness he has in store tonight, but bring it on!

Another friend plays me music on line. He has access to a dozen different music servers and can locate ANY piece of music I request within 30 seconds. Impressive! Last night, I tested him again, and asked for Lionel Richie's "Hello" - (among other oldies), and it popped up on Facebook almost immediately! He is well connected! And the song was just as beautiful as I remembered it to be. Music helps a lot.



On top of that, just to shake things up a bit, I spoke to an "old friend" (or, I THOUGHT it was an old friend), but turned out to be a chef in the Yukon whom I've never met, - with the same NAME as an old friend! (what the hell??) He stumbled upon my blog out of the blue. (or maybe it was my Facebook, not sure). But even the bizarre nature of this "surprise" made me laugh and helped "get me thru the night"! Salright. You just never know what's around the corner! (And anyway, I got his secret recipe for pasta!)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, (as Ben Cartwright used to say at the Ponderosa on Bonanza), let's get back to reality! Oh. Do we HAVE to??

Carrie and I hooked up today with Doreen, buyer from the antiques showroom known as Of Things Past!

She may have been a bit taken aback by the assorted junk she first encountered on the lawn, but once inside Mum's house, we were thrilled that she accepted almost all of the beautiful antique items we offered to be sold on consignment.

Above, are some of Mum's best antiques, handed down from our grandparents' shop, Century House, north of Lindsay. Mum would love the fact that someone else will eventually own and take care of these very special items.

More of the antiques, plus a gorgeous piece - a dresser, also from Century House. It's too stunning to let go of. Carrie is going to keep it.

Mum always called her silverware her "prized possession." - Now off to Of Things Past.
After antiques specialist Doreen took off, it was up to US to wrap things, box them up and have them delivered to the showroom.

Everything was going pretty smoothly, till Carrie had to bag up all of Lee's old stuffed animals from his childhood years. I'M the one most often in tears, but not this time. Ai yi yi. (Cayr...sorry to say, but I'm glad it's YOU once in a while! - You know, I KNOWWWWWWWWW the feeling!) How could I EVERRRRRRRRRRR have come "thru the night" without you?? Impossible.

She's SURROUNDED! Saying goodbye to some old friends. (Think I'll call my music pal tonight and ask him to play for me The Bee Gees' - "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart"?? - knowing him, he's already got it lined up for me!)


P.S. - One of the toys we came across was the "Horshshack doll" - (of Welcome Back Kotter fame!) Man, I loved that show!

Original Horshack doll! So cute!
I used to ADORE Ron Palillo! (hah hah hah!...can't do the famous laugh...only HE can!)



With Carrie in tears, I had to be the one to pack the stuffed animals into my car to be delivered to Goodwill. Bye guys! Be good!

On the way to drop off the stuffed animals!

Thinkin' about what might get me thru the night....TONIGHT!