Quiet Sunday

July 17/11.

Not too much on the go. Tried to take it a bit easier today before another full week of radiation and Tamoxifen. Monday's treatment (#5!) is at 1:20 p.m. and will be followed by a weekly meeting with the radiation oncologist. I also have to go a computer room at the hospital to fill out something called DART (Distress Assessment and Response Tool). It's an electronic review of your overall health, well being and symptoms so the docs can track your progress over time.

Went to visit my parents-in-law at their condo with Sam and the kids today.

Max, me, Kate, baking in the heat outside the building!

Max got a surprise when his Zaidy presented him with a new bongo style drum he bought with Mum on a trip to Ottawa recently. Max immediately began playing it. Wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being used in an upcoming performance at rock camp!

Zaidy & Max

We all had a nice lunch together, but then the power went out! Not only the building, but the entire Lawrence/Bathurst area,(including Carrie's place!) Was out for several hours. All the seniors in the building were faced with the prospect of no elevator service. We walked down ten storeys from Mum & Dad's condo. (thankfully, didn't have to walk UP!)

Hanging with Bubie and Zaidy - (Jean & Ben Bornstein!)

P.S. - Here's a fun pic taken by Kate using Photo Booth (a program on her new MacBook Pro), using the cool aquarium effect background.

Hope everybody has a great week!

Daytime drama

July 15/11.

Back in the Global TV years, I used to report on the soaps every day. (truth be told, it was one of my favourite parts of the job!) Often, soap fans would tell me that nothing in REAL life could ever compare to the action in the daytime dramas. But I am proving them wrong!

No scriptwriter could have topped the intrigue and excitement of what happened to me today. My late Mum gave me a very special gift.

Following the nine months since her death, Carrie & I have worked diligently to take care of every single, tiny detail in her home, making sure each item gets the attention it deserves and ends up in the proper and rightful place, whether it be an antique shop, a furniture bank for those in need, Goodwill, Value Village, relative's houses or our own homes. In return for all the love, time and trouble, Mum has left us an overwhelming sense of security, independence and freedom. It was a red letter day for Carrie and me. I can't really speak for Carrie, (as we each have our own feelings about this phenomenal day), but for myself, my husband Sam and our two kids, Kate & Max, I'm saying how thankful we are for what she's left us. We will use her gift to make our lives better, easier and more comfortable in the years to come.

The first part of the day was spent sorting things out at the bank. All done now. Thought it would be pretty easy, but didn't expect to find myself in tears, realizing this long journey has reached some kind of conclusion or closure, (although, that will never fully happen). Carrie and I stood on the very spot the above photo was taken, to chat for quite a while. There is no more hidey hole to hide out in, no more safety blanket. We're out there on our own now. After we said goodbye and went our separate ways for the day, I drove past Mum's house and saw the garage door wide open, the new owner, Dang, working inside on renovations. Could barely breathe as I passed by, realizing someone ELSE is in charge of the hidey hole now, and that person has NO idea of the history of the house. Sigh.

After the emotional banking experience, drove directly to Princess Margaret Hospital for my 3:40 p.m. radiation appointment - #3! (Not taking any chances this time! Nothing too revealing in the dressing room. Cowered in the corner and made sure to keep the medical gown tightly CLOSED)!! LOL.

The radiation room "Muzak entertainment" today? - Diana Krall singing The Look of Love. As I lay there, listening, being pushed, prodded and pulled this way and that, my mind was crowded with crazy thoughts. Everything from my ticket to Weird Al Yankovic's concert at Massey Hall this Saturday afternoon and what he will sing, to the side effects of Tamoxifen, (hot flash anyone?), to, well, can't even say. One of my sweet technicians, Christine, asked what kind of day I'd been having. I laughed and told her what had just happened at the bank. She sighed, put her hand on my arm, as I looked up, pretty much vulnerable on the radiation table, and she commented, "Your Mum is watching out for you." At that point, tears rolled down my face and I had to hold completely still, not wiping them away, thinking about clowns, (as one friend suggested I do during treatments, and it worked!), Weird Al, Amish Paradise, Diana Krall, Carrie, Lee and Mum. I've quickly learned that radiation (even though the time on the table is short), forces you to completely stop, concentrate, breathe deeply and hear the music.

Session #3 is history! This pic was snapped by a fabulous hospital security guard named Carm who kindly offered to take it. We ended up in conversation about faith, God, prayer, a positive attitude and much more. He's witnessed a lot during his time at PMH and told me to pray anywhere - at home, outside or even on the radiation table. He wished me luck and told me HIS job is to make people feel good about themselves! (He succeeded).

After a day of mixed emotions and high drama, took the kids to BMO to open accounts of their own, courtesy of their loving and generous Gramma. (Note: amounts blurred, courtesy of Kate).

I PVR'd my favourite show, General Hospital, earlier today and watched it back. It couldn't hold a candle to the action-packed, true life adventures of this day! Thanks Mum.

Round Two

July 13/11.

So, radiation update! - 2 down, 14 still to come. Surprising how quickly all this moves along once you get going. So far, I've found that getting to the hospital takes the longest time and most effort.

Took this shot from the parking lot, where I've lost my car countless times (a la Seinfeld). All part of the fun!

By the time I arrive at 2 below (where radiation is housed), I barely have a minute to put my OHIP and hospital cards away when they're calling my name! Then it's off to the change room and I'm whisked into treatment.

Round 2!
(as usual, not a great shot, as I'm horrible with the autocam set-up. Cut off my head for one thing, and on top of that, also realized the stupid medical gown was a bit too revealing, so had to get Sam to crop the pic)! Whatever. Can't get much more raw than this I guess. - Sorry, but my in-laws are reading this thing. (Next time, I'm going to bring a bathrobe belt from home)!

Today, I was seen by two technicians (one of them the same as yesterday), plus a student who is learning the ropes. They had her involved in helping to move me into position. They ask that you not try to "help them" and that they will pull you this way and that till you're in exactly the right spot for the beam. They do a lot of measurements each day to be sure everything is just so and double it up for safety, by taking an x-ray every day. MY job, is not to move, (which I'm learning, is not as easy as it sounds).

Today's music was an instrumental version of My Heart Will Go On, (the theme song from Titanic). By the time the song ended and the ship sank, the treatment was finished!

In all the visits to Princess Margaret Hospital, I've only been to the Druxy's once. I remember, when I used to take Mum to all of her hospital appointments, she would always ask to stop for tea and a muffin, as her "reward" for getting thru what awful treatment she had to endure. Decided to do the same. Had something called chicken coconut soup, tea and believe it or not, a butter tart! Really Lain? Haven't had a butter tart, or anything that "sinful" lol, (at least food-wise!) in eons! SO happy it didn't have raisins, (I hate raisins), but it also didn't have any walnuts or pecans or whatever they usually put in butter tarts...boo! Anyway, unbelievably sweet. My body probably went into sugar shock - (on top of the first dose of Tamoxifen today!! - Overload of some kind).

Upon leaving the hospital, tried to take an autoshot of today's outfit...(ended up opting for jeans. Just one of those days). Stuck the camera on top of some big oil tank outside of a construction site next to the hospital, when a burly construction worker happened by and offered to take the pic. (Two for two here guys, thank you)! - Naturally, it was the exact moment a windstorm suddenly hit, so, my hair matches my emotions. Hey, TAKE it, Regis!

"Outta conTROL!")
Thank you. (love that guy).

Treatment 3 tomorrow!

Tamoxifen!!

July 12/11.

Heading back for "Round 2" today. (no, not the 8:45 a.m. segment from the Jerry Agar show on NEWSTALK 1010! - although I WAS listening this morning, so maybe it inspired the name here!) - But "Round 2" of radiation!

Haven't decided WHAT to wear to get me feeling kick-ass and empowered today! Workin' on it.

In the meantime, took my first Tamoxifen tablet today. (Only five more years to go!)

So, in the course of just 24 hours, I'm doing things I've always been told NOT to do! (but then again, since WHEN did I ever listen?) Hasn't it been drummed into us for decades NOT to expose ourselves to radiation and NOT to ingest things that could bring on cancer?

To quote from a medical journal, "Tamoxifen is a drug, taken orally as a tablet, which interferes with the activity of estrogen, a female hormone. Estrogen can promote the development of cancer in the breast. Tamoxifen is used for the prevention of breast cancer and for the treatment of breast cancer, as well as other types of cancer.

Tamoxifen helps prevent the original breast cancer from returning and also helps prevent the development of new cancers in the other breast. As treatment for metastatic breast cancer, the drug slows or stops the growth of cancer cells that are present in the body".

All well and good, right? But the list of potential side effects is scary!
The known, serious side effects include, blood clots, strokes, uterine cancer and cataracts. Other side effects include menopause-like symptoms such as hot flashes, joint pain and leg cramps.

But apparently, the benefits of Tamoxifen as a treatment for breast cancer far outweigh the potential risks. (Fingers crossed).

I sure don't need any help with the hot flashes! - Hotter than a firecracker here, thankyou.

Oh, it was kinda funny in the hospital yesterday, when, before radiation, the two lady technicians asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant! Nope. (then I went into a hot flash).

OK! So - cut, print, moving on! See you on the flip side of Round Two!!
Hugs

No surprises??

July 12/11.

So the first radiation appointment at PMH late this afternoon was fine! Went to the hospital, not feeling nervous in the least, (I mean, this is NOTHING compared to surgery!), and didn't take a tranquilizer or anything else. I've been completely drug-free for months. - However, am about to start Tamoxifen, to ward off recurrence...maybe tomorrow. We'll see. Will tell you all about the side effects asap. (Don't need anymore hot flashes thanks)! Intensity Entity will confirm, - 'Hot enough Babe'.

I threatened to wear my kickass silver stilettos for the first treatment today, (so you KNOW I have to stand by my word)! Brought them with me, but couldn't take a pic in the treatment room. (Them's the RULES!) This is the best I could do to "kick cancer in the butt," as my friend, Cynthia Mulligan of CITYNEWS, (who is pretty damn kickass herself!), often says! I told her about it in a FB message today. I'm following in her footsteps all the way. She wrote back to wish me well and tell me, "You will soon be a fellow graduate"! Can only hope Cynthia. Thanks for everything.

After the treatment, wanted to take a shot in the gown and heels, but camera wouldn't work. Finally got it to go, but only blurry. Bathroom photog style...best I could do!

Two young women "worked on me". They were both very nice and told me everything I should expect to feel. I was lying there, arm way over my head (ouch), staring at the ceiling, which was covered in these weird, psychedelic green neon zapper lights preparing to hit me. There was music playing. Strange, while these two women did their thing, I was hearing two ladies singing The Flower Duet for sopranos used in the Canuck flick "I've Heard the Mermaids Singing." Before I knew it, the treatment was over.

The "big surprise" I referred to in the previous blog entry, turned out to be the fact that I went into major shakes afterwards! Didn't think I was nervous, but after being told not to move at ALL, (and then, suddenly, everything started to itch!), practically went into convulsions when it was over! Hopefully this won't happen after EVERY treatment! When I left the hospital, tried to take a shot out front in the silver heels, when a man suddenly offered to do it for me! (hmmmmmmmm, guess these shoes work!) I offered to put his name on the blog, but he said he prefers to remain anonymous! OK then.

Kicking you in the butt cancer!

Will be back again for treatment number 2 on Wednesday at 2:30 p.m.
To quote Jim Carrey, as The Grinch, "But what would I WEAR??"

Who knows? (maybe I should dress as The Grinch!?!)

More results

May 24/11.

Big day. Big news. Most of it good.

In the end, decided against that "As Seen On TV" shirt. (I was really only kidding anyway). I'm constantly finding scribbled notes for the blog all over the house. Discovered a scrap of paper last night on which I'd scrawled, "I REFUSE to go into oncology in black, grey or brown! It HAS to be my favourite colour - MAUVE."

So, out came the feminine new Mexx mauve shirt to lift my spirits, paired with the Hue jeans.

Ready go hear the news!
Half an hour before I had to leave for the appointment with the Medical Oncologist I lost the nerve to go alone and asked my daughter, Kate, if she'd come with me and take notes. Thankfully, she was available and said yes. (after all the years of accompanying MUM on appointments, I can't believe the tables have turned!)

Made it to the Princess Margaret Breast Clinic by 1:30, just in time to be escorted in for a prep meeting with a nurse and the oncologist's "fellow."

They asked a lot of questions and told me things looked pretty good as far as they could see. Then, they left us for a few nail-biting minutes to wait for Dr. Amir, the Medical Oncologist.

My heart was racing while waiting word on the treatment
Dr. Amir spent a long time with me, explaining the case and the risks. He wrote it out for me.

Age - 55 - average - no risk

Tumour size (removed) - 1.5 cm. - (small) - no risk

Grade - (How aggressive the behaviour) - I - (low grade) - no risk

Stage - I

Lymph nodes - Negative - no risk

Receptors - (Proteins on cancer that tell it to grow)
2 Hormones
Estrogen receptor (ER) - 99 percent - Good
Progesterone receptor (PR) - 10 percent - Good

HER 2 - Negative - Good

Can't say I understand every word of the above, but I was informed that it's the best news and it's unlikely I'll need chemo. (which is what I've been SO hoping to hear). However, there is one more test called Oncotype DX. It is very expensive, (but government funded), and involves sending some of the tissue removed during my surgery to a lab in Redwood City, California, (one of the only places this test is being done). It would then take about three weeks to receive results. The test can help define whether chemotherapy should or should not be added to the anti-hormone treatment. I originally turned the test down, but after discussing it with family members, changed my mind and have now asked the doctor to go ahead with it. Better to be safe than sorry.

I've also been given a prescription for Tamoxifen, but won't fill it till after I meet with the radiation oncologist tomorrow afternoon and find out about the schedule, (which probably won't start until June). Also found out about the side effects of Tamoxifen. The biggest one is hot flashes! (Now, I ask you, do I really need any help with that? - I'm hot enough!)