Backwards working (again)

April 20/12.

Couldn't find it in my soul (or schedule) to write

since Jerry Lewis last Friday the 13th. Giving the scoop now to catch up. (Yep, working backwards again).

(or, more to the point, like Jerry's 1980 movie, - Hardly Working).

My son, Max, took this shot today, sporting my hot, sexy new bling - a holter monitor and flashy electrode patches. So attractive. So De-lightful. So De-licious. So De-lovely. (not)!

The sensitive monitor records your heart's electrical activity. I'm HIGH voltage even at the worst of times, so the contraption should have NO problem picking up "Good Good Good"/(Bad?) vibrations. I've been experiencing crazy palpitations for months, indicating, - what?.......hmmmmmmmm, I'm stressed? Overwhelmed? Freaked? Losin' it? Hitting a GPS brick wall? Jumping the shark? Letting my freak flag fly? Outta control? Over-worked? Under-paid? Intensity Entity-attacked? Heartbroken? Living in The Twilight Zone? (only The Shadow, or maybe Rod Serling, knows for sure)!

"Oh, I KNOW FOR SURE Lain. But I'll never tell. No spoilers here. - For now, you are always welcome to listen to my theme music. It explains a LOT. Love, your good friend, Rod."


Sit-on-edge-of-seat. Cue creepy music. (LOVE it!!!!)

I want a PRETTY-in-pink Princess Margaret pic, - so I'll use this old, (last) summer-y, gauz-y, float-y one.(OK with YOU??)

- (instead of The Good, The Bad and the Ugly REAL deal). Gak. This is how I ACTUALLY looked when I went to the cardiologist's office to get hooked up to the maniacal monitor.

I was instructed NOT to take a shower for 48 hours while wearing this darn-fangled thing.  WTF??
YOU MUST BE OUTTA YOUR COTTEN-PICKEN' MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is just NOT an option!

Anyone who knows me, knows showerless days are NOT possible. Just NO way. So, I wrapped myself in a massive clear plastic bag to protect the machinery - (and if you think I would reveal my face under the towel, you know me even LESS!) Like The Elephant Man, I covered up, washed off the industrial strength waterproof mascara and eye makeup, then scrubbed my hair using the shower hose over the bathtub. Such a beautiful sight. Ha ha! (in situations like this, despite palpitations & anxiety, you MUST keep your sense of humour, or die).

But I had a bit of a problem. Upon attempting to remove the plastic bag, it was stuck to my skin with water. I have NO patience. Tried to tear/rip/yank it off, but no luck. So grabbed a pair of scissors to CUT the bag off. In the process, managed to slice one of the holter monitor wires! Good God.

I was all alone, but SOOOOOOOOOOOO embarrassed.  I felt like my comic idol, Lucy, stuck with the loving cup on her head. WHHHAT TO DO????????

I quickly called Grace, (my cardiologist's secretary) to reveal and admit my tale of woe. She hesitated. The phone was suddenly nothing but dead air. I could hardly breathe, (and my palpitations had reached NEW HEIGHTS!!! How ironic). She told me, "In all my years here, this has NEVER happened before." I said I believed her. She then hit me with the fact that this elaborate piece of equipment is EXTREMELY expensive. (knew that too). She said she didn't have a clue what to tell me to do! I said I would come in the next morning, give her back the monitor and maybe they could salvage some of the earth-shaking, palpitating data, and give me a new monitor to start all over again. (Ai carumba, another 48 hours of monitoring!!??)

That's what she did.

By 10:15 a.m., I was home again, feeling like an idiot - (or the star of a new sit-com). I don't think a comedy writer could even come up with THIS storyline!

Worse than tripping over an ottoman a la Dick Van Dyke,

 or sliding hysterically through the door like Kramer into Jerry's apartment!

But a good friend of mine talked me through the insane mishap, told me to calm down, cool off, shut up, visit the wailing wall in Israel, forgive myself,

cut, print, move on!

Later, I ran into Aubrey Bolton, (one of my blog musical mascots). His ever-present bro, Dana, was nowhere to be found, but Aubrey played me a tune, I bought him a beer & he asked about the electrode on my neck. Told him I'm stressed,  (then thought, I'M STRESSED? How about HIM?- out on the street)! He explained he has girlfriend troubles, saying he gives her EVERYTHING, but it's never enough, so he moved out. One of his fans, a guy named Jerry, (LOVE that name), took our pic together here. Aubrey divulged to me he's now living with a friend who owns a computer, so at long last, he can look up my blog and see ALL the pics I've posted of the Bolton Bros!! (I'm silent prez of their fanclub)!

More to come.
I can remove the holter montior at 10 a.m. Sunday. (and NO ONE will stop me from washing my hair).

Emotion overload

June 23/11

As Carrie & I get down to the "final crunch" at Mum's place, our emotions are running OUTTA CONTROL! (thanks, again, Regis Philbin - stop YELLING at me!) - To my husband Sam, and to Carrie's partner, Paul - if you're reading this, I know you're laughing your heads off, saying, "And THIS situation is different from any other day HOWWWWWWWWW?") Well, it IS different. The end of an era is on the horizon. And we don't like it one bit.

Crazy mess in Mum's livingroom as we wrap and pack up everything. Sigh.

Gorgeous antique Wedgwood dishes. Originally belonged to our grandparents in their fabulous shop, Century House, north of Lindsay - (you know, Lindsay? - The Twilight Zone??)

Some of Mum's best antique glassware

Will it ever end? - Take it Bart! - "Ai Carumba"!

Carrie can ALWAYS take a sad situation and "lift it" up! - Thanks Cayr!!
I told Carrie all about my experience yesterday with the therapist, (and her many pointed questions to me, covering the gamut)....hmmmmmmmmmm, lemme think now, - drugs, sex, rock & roll, alcohol, obsessions, "Intensity Entity", guilt, pain, fear, anxiety, panic attacks, blogging, "impulse shopping", (lol - since this is SO not an issue. Sam made me laugh when he heard about this and responded, "You take six hours to pick out a t-shirt at Zellers!"), family, friends, relationships and on and on. Hearing everything dredged up by the therapist triggered a conversation with Carrie about our Mum. Closing down her house, getting rid of it all, not fun. I told the therapist YES on the word guilt. Big time. Have suffered, (and am STILL suffering), plenty of that following Mum's horrible, unexpected death, which never should have happened the way it did.

For Carrie, the subject today was more centered on betrayal. I get that. Completely. Somehow, "ditching" all of Mum's precious treasures, seems as though we're betraying her. I told Carrie, - but we're NOT. We're doing what she would have WANTED us to do. We've been SO careful, selecting special items to pass on to family and friends, what to send to Goodwill, which - (more valuable things), should go to Of Things Past - (antiques showroom), what toys to put out on the street for neighbourhood kids to take for free and to enjoy and on and on. We HAVE to trust our own instincts and judgment and to know that what we're doing is EXACTLY what Mum would have wanted. Despite going forward the best we can, it hurts, it's painful and, yep, KILLER emotional.

"Cinderella" here, by the fireplace, saying goodbye to ALL the antique "utensils." Thanks for the many gorgeous fires you helped launch!
Next? Our friend, beautiful Tina Nodwell arrived. (sister of Carrie's boyfriend Paul). She and her partner, Bill, rented a truck to cart away lots of things they purchased to help furnish their brand new country place.

Bill got EVERYTHING loaded into the truck...and THEN......
Carrie's boyfriend, Paul, showed up! Hoo haw! - Just in time! (not!)

He shouted, "Did I miss all the heavy lifting?" (the answer? - Yes!) Paul's response?? - "GOOD!"
But at least, Paul WAS in time for a family "blog photo op!"
(left to right - Bill, Tina, Paul, Carrie)

There goes the truck. Bye furniture! Enjoy your new life!
Still, lots more goodies left, including Beethoven!

Before wrapping up the day of packing, Carrie said we should remove the linens from Mum's bed. Gak. Didn't think it would be a big deal, but after years of stripping that bed and doing her laundry, hadn't anticipated any tears. Wrong. Last time.

Once more with feeling. (But THIS time, no laundry. Just goodbye).

That's a wrap for tonight.

Welcome to The Twilight Zone

June 6/11

Read this, with Rod Serling's voice in your head. OK?

"Picture if you will, a woman, patiently waiting at the door for someone to arrive. Someone unexpected. Someone unknown. She appears calm, cool, collected. But underneath that prettied-up facade is a powder keg awaiting spontaneous combustion. The signpost is up ahead. Welcome tonight to a portrait of a woman in turmoil who is about to enter The Twilight Zone."

I always loved the way Rod Serling wrote. And my whole life has a Twilight Zoney-feel to it lately.



Big things are happening tonight. The suspense is killing me. More to come!

And now for the update! (one day later). The unexpected, unknown person we're awaiting, is the certain someone who may or may not purchase our Mum's house, which is now on the market. Selling a house can certainly be stressful, (especially - in - The Twilight Zone!!) - Cue the music!