Lain's Log

Why me?

March 10/11

Guess I'm entitled to feel a little sorry for myself. I'm sad, angry and most of all, scared out of my mind. Where's Mum when I damn well need her? Woman goes and quits on me. What the hell? (just joking Mum. I know how much you wanted to survive it all). And as for you, Uncle Ev? Cacking out at 97 just doesn't cut it! (again, only kidding - He fought as hard as he could. He SO wanted to make it to 100). I just wish they both could have lived forever. I miss them so much.

Sam is oh-so-positive. Tells me he'll be there for me every step of the way, and I know he will. (as he always is). I chose a good man when I married him almost 28 years ago!

Spoke to Auntie Ray. Cried my eyes out. At 91, after losing both her husband, (Uncle Ev) and her sister, (my Mum), I hate that she has to deal with MY battle. She says she will now officially be my "surrogate Mum."

My parents-in-law emailed and phoned to tell me I'll be alright and they'll pray for me. They say, whatever they can do for me, just ask, and they love me.

My sweet sister-in-law, Carolyn wrote to say she's with me - heart, mind, soul and prayer and reminded me of the tremendous support team I have surrounding me. My other dear sister-in-law, Debbie, cried with me on the phone. (we're like that when we chat.)

My cousins, Kevan and Marilyn both spoke to me and are always so loving and kind. They've been with me through thick and thin and they live only five minutes away, which gives me comfort.

As for my sister, - as Billy Crystal would say, "Don't get me STARTED!!" She feels every bit of pain I'm going through - even telling me, she's started to feel a strong tingling in her breasts! (She puts it down to "sister sympathy"!) She tells me, "The next period of your life is to heal. Be a good patient, like Uncle Ev always said. Live day by day, doing what is required to get rid of this thing. Eat well, sleep well, meditate, eat broccoli, try not to worry too much, depend on family, keep your sense of humour, talk to people who have been through it, stay positive, take baby steps. I'm with you. Let others step up to the plate for you, as you've done for them." Thanks Carrie. Love you so damn much. Both of us have "stepped up to the plate" to fill the void in each other's lives, now that Mum is gone.

Many others have sent me "virtual hugs", positive vibes and offers of help.
I am blessed.
Next, finding the best breast surgeon in Toronto!

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