Lain's Log

Bad news

March 9/11

Got into see my GP just before 6 p.m. It had been 33 days since I first discovered the lump. At long last, she had the written pathology report - a copy for her, a copy for me. We looked at it together. Already knew, the mammogram showed NOTHING. The ultrasound was inconclusive. But the core needle biopsy indicated two samples showed nothing, and the third showed carcinoma. That was the only word I could see. CARCINOMA.
I asked, "So I have breast cancer?"
My doctor said, "Yes." I sat in shock, knowing I was about to embark on a whole new journey, one I really didn't want to go on, but HAD to. We talked for quite a while. I broke down in tears at one point, when I told her the pieces of my life finally all seemed to be coming together. I was slowly coming to grips with the loss of my Mum and my Uncle Ev, we were working on clearing Mum's house, hoping to put it on the market soon and I'd even been thinking of trying to go back to work after more than six years, and now, this.

She suggested a breast surgeon at Women's College Hospital, but I told her I needed time to research and decide the best surgeon for me. She said I could get back to her and she would refer me to the doctor of my choice.

Sam and Carrie were at home, desperately waiting to hear from me. Called Sam from my car. He always hates it when I tell a long story, asking me to "put the lead up front." (once a newsman, always a newsman). So I thought, OK, will do. I simply said, "I have breast cancer." I knew he was shocked and devastated. Told him I was coming home. Then called Carrie and told her the same news. I felt so sad to have to tell her. We're so very close and I knew she'd been praying the lump would be benign and everything would be fine.

When I got home, I was greeted with hugs from Sam. Max was asleep on the den couch. I wandered in, he woke up and I told him I didn't get the best news. After hearing it, he just slumped over onto the couch. So very sad. I told him we'd get through it. He hugged me. Kate was out for sushi with a friend. She called to ask what happened. I told her, and she said she was coming home immediately. She did, and we had a long hug.

Sam and I sat down to talk about what to do next. No one else in the family knew about any of this and it would be hard on me to call each person to let them know. Sam suggested I send out an email message to all the family members, telling them what's going on and what the next steps will be. I sat down to write it and hit send. Minutes later, phone calls came, lots of tears (mostly from me), and offers of help from all sides. As I said at the very beginning of this blog, I am very lucky. I have an extremely loving and supportive family.

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