Lain's Log


June 1/11

Can't believe it's June already. Time flies when you're having fun.
Weird thoughts and crazy dreams last night. Even years after leaving Global TV, sometimes I have nightmares about the panic attacks I used to have. I was remembering this actress/consultant the station hired to help anchor people with their on-air presentation. In most cases, she coached the personalities on how to project or be more appealing on air. In my case, she was trying to erase the fear of going LIVE.

I recall her advising me to remember there's a delay on the air, so perhaps that might make me feel a little more comfortable. (but back then, there wasn't a delay). I told her, "LIVE is LIVE!" She said something relevant, like, "Oh." (Even if there WAS a delay, what difference would it make? The audience would only see you cack right out in the middle of a report a few seconds LATER!)

Back in the radio days, another advisor told me I should bring something from home into the station - something that makes me feel at ease or happy, and take it into the news booth with me during newscasts. I brought this little wooden treasure chest bought for me by my Mum on a vacation in New York State when I was a kid. I loved it. (still have it). I put the treasure chest right next to the news script and tried to focus on it for a minute or two before doing the news. Didn't help a bit.

Still another time, the actress at Global told me to just imagine or visualize I wasn't talking to a big audience, but to one special person. Tried to do it. No luck. The only thing that ever helped was beta blockers. Practically lived on the things. So glad those days are over. (only wish they wouldn't continue to haunt me!) I'm shaking now, just thinking back on it.

Have made plenty of attempts to visualize these days, (as the book I've been reading suggests), using the powers of concentration in order to keep cancer cells at bay. Haven't mastered it at all. But I was thinking back to what the actress suggested about the "one person theory". Might work in the case of a blog! Write it, aimed at just one person. But who? I'm workin' on it.

At any rate, while visualizing away last night, fell asleep, and all I kept seeing was Robert Redford! (at least I THINK it was him, but he had darker hair) He was in the upper berth of a moving train. Hee hee. (that's what I get for watching both All the President's Men AND Some Like it Hot in the same evening!)

My dream man??

Finally, after worrying enough about visualization techniques, decided to fuhgettaboutit, go back to my dream and just let Bob Redford scare the cells away for me! Sounds like a whole lot more fun.

"Bring 'em on Lain! I'll scare them off for you! - Now get some sleep! (if you CAN!")

P.S. - Is this not the cutest picture EVER of Robert?????

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