Lain's Log

The apprehension game

May 27/11

Waiting for results is really tough. Hate it. Meanwhile, the appointments are piling up. I'm sittin' here (NOT by the dock of the bay - only wish!), writing down the full list of upcoming visits to Princess Margaret Hospital (so far).

Got word today that I'll learn the results of the $5,000 Oncotype DX diagnostic test at an appointment with Dr. Amir (Medical Oncologist) on June 14th at 11:30 a.m. Gee, only 18 days to bite my nails. (if I had any).

Good God, do I ever need a haircut! Insanity reigns! (or is it, "Serenity NOW!?!")


From what I've read, the Doc will receive a report that includes my Recurrence Score. An R.S. lower than 18 suggests a low risk of recurrence and that the benefit of chemotherapy is likely to be small and will not outweigh the risks (and horrible side effects).

An R.S. between 18 and 31 indicates intermediate risk of recurrence.
Information seems unclear as to whether the benefits of chemotherapy outweigh the risks of side effects.

An R.S. greater than 31 indicates a high risk of recurrence, and the benefits of chemotherapy are likely to be greater than the risks of side effects.

Apparently, some women who have had the Oncotype DX, later learned it was a "failure" or "incomplete" because there wasn't enough sample left from their tumour to actually carry out the test! How disappointing and frustrating would THAT be?

At any rate, all I can do is wait it out. So, in the meantime, here's a pic of my daughter, Kate, and her boyfriend, Damian. Took it while I was outside writing notes.

Cute, eh?

On the same day I meet with Dr. Amir, I also have an appointment at the "Survivorship Clinic." As I've quickly learned, cancer is a life-altering experience in many ways. Princess Margaret Hospital staffers say it's important that patients have a sense of courage, (me, courage??), confidence and control to assist them in knowing, navigating and negotiating their journey, so survivorship consults are offered.

A few weeks ago, a longtime friend of mine told me if I feel I need help with my fears and emotions, not to be afraid to seek professional help.

I thought I was doing OK, (sort of), till learning of this long wait before finding out about chemo, - and then was handed brochures about the joys of radiation therapy. At that moment, I met Shahnaz Bassiri, an oncology nurse with a true gift for kindness and compassion. Next thing I knew, I was crying in her sympathetic aura and telling her I'd like to see a therapist to talk things through. (Never been to one in my life, but guess now's the time). She quickly arranged a referral. So, seems I'll be meeting with someone (I believe a psychosocial oncology representative) on June 22nd. I'd better remember to bring Kleenex.

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Friday the 13th

May 11/11

This Friday’s all-important appointment to see my surgeon, Dr. David McCready, has been moved up from 11:30 a.m. to 9 a.m. at Princess Margaret Hospital. (So, I’ll be learning the pathology report results two and a half hours sooner!)

During my initial consult with Dr. McCready back in March, he told me we would meet again two weeks following my surgery to “map out a treatment plan.” That plan all hinges on what the results have to say. Best case scenario - (which I’m hoping for and thinking positively about) – is clean margins, no spread and no lymph node involvement. After that, it’s on to radiation - or whatever else the Doc has up his sleeve.

And why SHOULDN’T it be good news? So WHAT if it’s going to be delivered to me on Friday the 13th? That’s always been my LUCKY day. If you’ve read this blog, you already know about the infamous and sneaky Silver sisters.

I met Franelle, Joanne and Valerie Silver back on Friday March the 13th, 1970, (yep, – while waiting at the Toronto airport to greet our teen idol, Bobby Sherman who was coming to town for a concert).


Peace & Love Babe!


I didn’t know it then, but meeting the Silvers turned out to be one of the best and luckiest days of my life! There’s no way even to CONTEMPLATE what my life would have been like without them. Thinking back, several of my boyfriends back then would never have had a date with me, if not for Franelle & Joanne, “covering” for me, (in case my Mum, or anyone else who wanted to interfere, called, looking for me!) – They always had a “line” ready to explain where I was! Bobby brought us all together, and the shenanigans we got up to over the years – truly unbelievable.

The first time I ever flew to Hollywood (my big dream at the time), was with Franelle and Joanne when I was 17. (As Sinatra sings, “It was a very good year”). My Mother was a nervous wreck, considering Hollywood was “sin city” in her mind.

Here’s how we looked on the day we travelled to York Mills subway station to catch a bus to the airport and then take off for a couple of weeks in L.A. (after saving money for a year, from low-paying jobs, or (in MY case), a part-time job, to get there). The trip “cemented” our friendship, as you’ll see.

Me, Joanne & Franelle – fresh-faced kids off to L.A. (1973)


We had such a blast, visiting Grauman’s Chinese Theatre to put our feet in the movie star’s (CEMENT – get it?) footprints, going to TV tapings, looking for celebs, and staying in what we THOUGHT was a fabulous place called the Hollywood-Vine Motel, (it turned out to be a fleabag joint on the strip), but we loved every minute of it!

Our room at the Hollywood-Vine – (not exactly The Ritz!)


Franelle looks at “the view” from our 2nd floor room


Franelle & Joanne with famous footprints at Grauman’s


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Franelle had big ambitions of becoming a TV comedy writer (and she later DID, winning an Emmy for her work on The Carol Burnett Show!) We’d been corresponding with a famous TV writer, Robert C. Dennis who scripted more than 500 episodes of shows like The Mod Squad, Dragnet, Emergency, The FBI, Kojak, Starsky and Hutch and so many others. Strangely, “Robert C,” had been born in Courtright, Ontario, but ended up in California! He invited us to drop by his Hollywood Hills home to talk about the writing biz. We saw stacks and stacks of his scripts, (he even GAVE us a few copies!), and we had such an exciting time visiting with him and his wife. He was very encouraging to Franelle about her goals. Sadly, Robert C. passed away of cancer in 1983. We have never forgotten him.

Me, Joanne and Franelle meet writer Robert C. Dennis


When Franelle and Joanne moved away to live in L.A., I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to see them much anymore, but fate intervened and I was unexpectedly hired by Global TV as an entertainment reporter. Little did I know I’d soon be flying to Hollywood for movie junket interviews about once a month, so we were able to get together all the time. Valerie remained in Toronto (like me), so we would all hook up together whenever Franelle or Joanne would fly back home.

Valerie, Franelle & Joanne Silver with Joanne’s son, Andrew Kirschbaum


The Silver sisters have remained my closest pals for 40 years and their friendship has meant the world to me. Even now, so far away, they’ve been completely and whole-heartedly involved in my current predicament, supporting me in more ways than I can even write about in this blog! (some of you may understand what I mean). So why SHOULDN’T I believe that EVERY Friday the 13th will forever and always be my lucky day?

Oh, and on top of all this, in later years, my son Max and I started watching Friday the 13th movies together. Winning! As a lifelong horror movie fanatic, I was thrilled to discover HE loved them as much as me! We’ve shared a ton of fun, screams and laughter ever since, over the scary antics of Jason Voorhees.


Jason comes calling! – Friday the 13th


So, bring it on Dr. McCready! See you at 9 a.m. - on Friday - (the 13th).

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My schedule

April 20/11

FINALLY got my MRI results this morning! (after bugging the heck out of the poor secretary). Was told they would "expedite" the results and that it usually takes about 5 business days. Turns out, I got the the information a total of 12 days later. (now THAT's what I call expediting...not!)

At any rate - didn't have to go in for an appointment. My surgeon's secretary told me over the phone! She said, "The MRI was FINE". (by fine, she means, not anything other than what they already knew). She then said, "It is NOT multi-focal" - which is good news. I am much relieved to hear this.

The MRI cannot show if the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. They will only be able to determine that when they do my surgery, which will include removal of two or three nodes, in what the doctor refers to as a "sentinel lymph node biopsy."

I then asked the secretary about the second ultrasound the doctor had requested. She said the MRI people didn't call for one. I told her, no, but the surgeon told me in our consult that he wanted a second ultrasound to be done by the Princess Margaret staff (to add to the results of the one done by an outside lab). She seemed surprised to hear this, but called me back five minutes later with an appointment for tomorrow morning at 10:40. So that's next on my to-do list.

Following that, on Tuesday April 26th, I will go for a two-hour teaching class to learn more about the surgical procedure, after-care and follow-up. Later that same day, I'm scheduled for the injection of dye, which involves four separate needle injections into the areola. Terrific. I've read many personal experience comments about these injections and will definitely be addressing pain issues before allowing them to go ahead with this procedure!

Here are a couple of comments from those who have been through the dye injection, (some of whom say it was injected directly into the nipple. I mean good God!)

1. "I had four injections around the nipple. I have a high threshold for pain and I nearly didn't make it through. I asked for a 20 minute break between shot 3 and 4 to recover a bit. After I was finished, the radiologist told me that the two other women he had before me didn't get past the first injection. They both left".

2.) "When I asked, they said I couldn't have any analgesics at all because it might interfere with the test. The pain was sky-high, out-of-this world, shriekingly unbelievable.

3.) I have to agree, I was not at all prepared for the pain of this injection. (although the doctor did say "this is going to hurt some"-- I should have known that that meant it was going to kill"!!)

4.) "I thought I would pass out from the pain"!

5.) "Can't they conduct this procedure in a more humane manner"?

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Several people I read about had GOOD experiences. Here is what they said. (and if anyone else who reads this blog entry has anything to add, let me know!)

1.) "They gave me some lidocaine cream the night before and instructions were to heavily coat the entire areola area, a couple of hours prior to the injection. Then, they deaden with several small injections of (Lidocaine?) and it was just a stinging sensation, sort of like a dentist does - then they waited a few minutes and then injected the dye. There was the stinging, I grant you, but it was over in a couple of minutes. With the dye injection, the area was numb and I didn't feel a thing. I think the secret is HEAVILY coating with the cream before any of the procedure starts. And, again, this isn't pleasant, but it passes very quickly. Good luck"!

2.) "I specifically asked for a certain radiologist to perform the tracer injections. She was the same radiologist who had previously done wire placements (10 years earlier), then the more recent stereotactic core biopsy, and I knew her and felt very comfortable with her. A tech brought in a leaded box containing the tracer material and put it on the counter. While he was loading the syringe, she asked him for the tray with the lidocaine. He said, "You use lidocaine?". She said, "Of course". She gave me a few lidocaine injections in the areola area. They were like any other lidocaine injection she has given me and honestly, nothing to complain about. She is skilled and knows to first inject some lidocaine, wait a second to let it take effect, then go further into the numbed area to inject more so it didn't hurt. Then she gave me the tracer injections all around the nipple area. They did not hurt. Other women have had other types of experiences, however my experience with it was fine".

3.) "I had the dye injection too. My surgeon used a numbing agent but it still stung, but only for a few moments. It was uncomfortable but nothing I couldn't handle. Some ladies say it was awful for them so I think it is different for everyone".

4.) "I had mine the morning of surgery. The radiologist /oncologist was extremely compassionate. It was the least painful part".

5.) "I had my injections the morning of surgery. A nurse applied a numbing cream about 30 minutes prior. The first 3 injections were tolerable. The 4th one hurt like heck. Not sure why."

6.) "Wow, I can't believe how many docs don't use the Lidocaine shots first. I had my dye shots the morning of my right mastectomy surgery. First, I had about 4 Lidocaine shots, and I only really felt the first one, which stung a tiny bit, just like getting a flu shot. After the Lidocaine I had a series of shots with the tracer and didn't feel any of them. I would definitely ask for the Lidocaine shots."

7.) "I had my sentinel node dye injection in pre-op for my surgery. They gave me Versed, and I never felt a thing or remember it either. The nuclear medicine tech who was injecting the dye said that UK Hospital's standard of care was to give Versed, that it was far too painful for the patient to have the procedure unmedicated".

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So, what do you think? I find the variety of experiences phenomenal! Why the hell is Lidocaine OK in some places and not in others? Makes NO sense. (note, that final good experience was reported by a woman in the U.K.) I want assurance they will give me shots of Lidocaine (as they did when I had the core needle biopsy test, and I didn't feel ANY pain at all)

Next. On Wednesday April 27th - surgery day, my husband, Sam and I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 a.m. for paperwork etc. After that, I go to get the wire jammed into my boob. Now that should be a true delight. Once again, I'll be dragging out my "proper use of Lidocaine sheet" and discussing it with whomever will be doing the jamming.

Then, between 10 and and 1030 a.m., I'm supposed to meet with my surgeon, Dr. David McCready and the anesthetist to talk about the procedure, allergies, or whatever else I'd like to hit them with. The surgery itself, (wire-guided lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removal/biopsy), will be done under a general at about 11 a.m. and I'm told it will take about 90 minutes. Then into recovery. I was surprised to hear this is DAY surgery, as I had been led to believe I would be in hospital overnight.

Both Sam, and my sister Carrie will be there when I wake up. (Carrie is coming because she knows "I want my MUMMY!, but she isn't able to be there for me). CARRRRRRRRRIE, I need you!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dr. McCready's secretary told me I can ask for heavier drugs than Tylenol 3 and that I will likely get a prescription for Percocet, which makes me feel a little better. There are many people who have told me to shut-up-already about the pain because I'm obsessing. My response to that is, hmmmmmmm, let me think. Yes. I AM obsessing - and there's nothing you can do about it! As Lesley Gore would sing, "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to." Someday, if YOU happen to be unfortunate enough to go through the above things, it will then be YOUR party and you can do what YOU want to!

OK. Onward and upward. March forth. Into the woods. Ai Carumba! Over and out. Hip hip hooray. Hoo haw! Good luck Jim.

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