Once more with feeling!

September 24/11.

I'm back!!! (ya, I know, that was pretty darn quick, but it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind)! Dumb quote. Had to look up the word prerogative several times to find the spelling. STILL not sure if it's right.

Was mad at the world when I decided to shut down the blog. So many people have hounded me about revealing too much or not being private enough here. But why in tarnation would I WANT to be private when writing a personal experience blog? Makes no sense whatsoever! The strange thing is, the more people told me I was too "out there", the more I had the urge to push the envelope. Whenever I would question myself how far I wanted to go, the more I felt like channeling the late, great Pierre Trudeau:

"Just WATCH me!"

My beautiful daughter, Kate,

doesn't listen to the world of complaints and advised me to pay no attention to critics and just write what I really want to say! A couple of other friends alerted me they can't have coffee in the morning without my blog, so WTF - going back to it!

When I first started writing, it was to chronicle the convoluted journey/experience of cancer and to tell it the way it actually happens with no lollipops and roses (unless they arrived at the door!) It never occurred to me that ANYONE would express concern I'm divulging too much! If anything, I thought people might say I'm holding back! (which I AM).

When I first told my TV comedy scriptwriter friend, Bruce Kirschbaum (Emmy award winning writer for Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Curb Your Enthusiasm), about my simple idea for the blog, he enthusiastically responded in his usual wild, stream-of-consciousness style. (with permission to quote him here).

Bruce Kirschbaum with his friend, Larry David.

Before I had written a single blog entry, Bruce told me:
"Remember, the most important thing is say to yourself, 'I want to live.' That's the macro view - do what needs to be done to live. Keep your eye on the prize. The ultimate goal is to get your health back. But this blog idea could be a wide ranging soapbox for you. It might surprise you! It could start off as a blog, but you might find yourself stepping into the map of unexpected places. It can be funny, it might be meditation and reflection. You say you want to tell it like it is, no candy-coating. So the guidepost is honesty, but it runs the gamut. This could be a platform to go into very wide-ranging terrain".

I didn't know exactly what he was talking about, but, turns out, he was right. The medical material soon spun out into stories about life, love, emotional highs & lows and daily tales of "Intensity Entity" - (some kind of weird being who (which?) suddenly entered my body a short time after surgery in April, and then lived within, keeping me wide awake and revved up for months, with next-to-no sleep, no desire to eat and an abundance of overwheming energy which brought my weight down from 120 to 95 lbs. in just three months.

I soon realized I.E. was equal parts fear, relief and stress, all mixed in with smouldering sexuality, brimming just beneath the surface, apparently trying its best to drive me right over the edge. The fanastic physicality of this manic "I.E. earth-shaking energy" was almost impossible to describe to anyone, but the symptoms included a racing heart, an over-the-top, constant insane feeling of well-being (perhaps from a new lease on life?), complete lack of fatigue (which is rare while undergoing radiation) and the drastic desire to ditch all my "granny undergarments" and immediately replace them with hot lacey items from La Vie En Rose and La Senza. And as for those sports bras I wore for years? Fuhgeddaboudit!

Afterall, not only did the doctors save my life, but also my breast, and I wanted to show it all off and enjoy every minute! Upon reading the blog, my friend, Kim Gertler (former Global TV producer) made me laugh by advising me to just, "Embrace the vixen within!" (he was always terrific with a headline!)

As I said in the beginning, I'm back! - So clear the deck, get out of the frickin' driveway and look out! Here comes trouble!

The countdown continues!

July 3/11.

Four days and counting till we have to relinquish the keys to the house. (Don't get me STARTED!!) Then the hidey hole will instantly cease to exist, except in our hearts and minds. I complain about the never-ending work, but now, I never want it to end, ever! - (Be careful what you wish for).

Set to take off (again) from home, to head for another afternoon with Carrie at the hidey hole. - Ready to work!
While I was out, my good friend, Bruce, (plug plug plug - "Emmy award winning writer extraordinaire" - Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Curb Your Enthusiasm), called me and got our machine. Later, his phone message floored me. - (quoting you here Bruce, OK?)

Terrific shot of Bruce (a few years ago), on the writer's strike picket line with his daughter, Laura, and son, Andrew
Bruce said, "Hey Elaine! It's Bruce! It's been a little while. WOOOO! I am trying to keep up with the outpouring of the incredible writing. Just amazing stuff. The last couple of days have been very emotional. It's like watching a movie unfold before your eyes. Selling the house. It's like leading up to the 2nd act break or something. But anyway, - just was calling to say hello and hope all is well. We will talk soon. Bye bye."

Makin' my day here Bruce! After all the years I've been raving about YOUR writing, never expected things to become a mutual admiration society. LOVE it!

Today, we continued work on BOOKS. Mum had SOOOOOOOO many. On every subject you can imagine. Art, travel, medicine, gardening, movies, celebrity bios, television, literature, cooking, Lawrence of Arabia, on and on. Packed them up, box after box. STILL haven't finished. More to crate up tomorrow.

Among the tattered kid's books we discovered - the famous Fox in Socks by Dr. Seuss. - (just a fun book, right?) Nope.

When Carrie was a kid, she had an INTENSE fear of one particular illustration from that wacky book. Something about the way the two characters - (Fox and Knox) were staring into each other's eyes - and the shape of their big hands really disturbed her, to the point of having nightmares for years.

She told me that after I take this photo, the book is going directly to Goodwill, never to be seen by her again for the rest of time!

I had no particular feeling either way about Fox in Socks, however, I did love this one verse, which I remember, as kids, we tried, over and over again, to get the tongue-twisting words out there - fast and furious. I always LOVED to try and talk fast, like an announcer, especially with patter or tongue twisters, but THIS one was a killer!

Clocks on fox tick.
Clocks on Knox tock.
Six sick bricks tick.
Six sick chicks tock.

Carrie also came across this book.

I had NO recollection of it, but when we looked at the inscription, (from our Dad), it said this.

Just seeing that fancy, curly-cue writing brings tears to my eyes. My Dad has always had this unmistakable, pretty writing. He left the family when we were tiny kids, so whenever we would receive a card or letter with that distinctive writing on the envelope, Carrie & I were excited, since we always recognized it was from HIM! He was known as "The Phantom Father" in our house. Dad had to start work every morning at CBC radio in the middle of the night, so he would drop off birthday and Christmas gifts around 3 in the morning on the way to 354 Jarvis Street. We never saw him, (or caught him) but knew he was there. He was the Santa Claus of our real world.

Dad, (Rex Loring) on his apartment balcony in Oakville, overlooking Lake Ontario!
To this day, I LOVE sneaking up to my relative's houses and silently leaving gifts or flowers on the front porch or hanging gift bags from their door handle, the way Dad always did. Sort of sneaky, like The Grinch. (HEY! - Maybe THAT'S why I love The Grinch so much! - Never realized that!)

The Grinch. (Ultimate Sneak).
Always believed a therapist would have a field day talking to me about my Dad. I learned about "secret delivery" (among many other things), from him - the master.

Once we got the books all crated up - I lugged them out into my car. Be damned breast cancer surgery and Sentinel node removal pain! I am woman, hear me friggin' roar, and I will carry thousands of books to the car no matter WHAT you say! - Now, I'm sitting down though! (maybe I should just get Goodwill to cart ME away too!)

Carrie & I have been saving this special canvas, (found in Mum's basement), and painted by our beloved Uncle Ev during his "Everetto" period. We want to give it to Auntie Ray. Check it out. Truly incredible!

On Sunday, we're having lunch with Auntie Ray in the dining room of her seniors condo. (they have GREAT food!!) We will bring this painting for her to keep and will ask her, WHO was Uncle Ev trying to channel here? Is it Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Battista, Sassoferrato? Auntie Ray will know immediately. My guess is Sassoferrato. We shall see! It's like a Columbo mystery. (I miss Peter Falk, who passed away just over a week ago).

"Uh, just one more thing."
And speaking of "one more thing", is it any wonder I fell in love decades ago with the news biz, - (and newsMEN) - and generally, all-things-news-related?

BOTH my parents instilled in me a keen interest in, and curiousity about world events, newsmakers and people everywhere. And guess what? - I ended up a diehard news junkie. Sigh. - (in fact, hang on just a sec. Gotta go listen to NEWSTALK 1010 right now to learn the latest and hear them alert me, "Now you're caught up on what's happening!") - otherwise, I won't believe it!

In between blaring Bryn Christopher songs on the CD player, I'm listening to NEWSTALK 1010 for news fixes.
During the (ongoing) massive basement cleanout at Mum's, came across several unbelievable old news articles, which Mum saved.

Carrie insists we can't throw them out, so we've asked Sam to list them on eBay and try to hook up with someone who will appreciate that "old news is good news"!

Meanwhile, Kate dressed up and attended the Dyke March today.

The incredible Henry, (one of my favourite among Kate's array of unbelievably talented friends!)

The gorgeous Cadence. Va va voom!

Mayor Rob Ford - "there in spirit??" - NOT!!

And coming up on Sunday? - Pride parade!!