Lain's Log

The New Normal

July 31/11.

Saturday, I had kind of a "normal" day. (or, what I often now call, "the NEW normal'). Nothing really feels the same as before cancer, (and before everything else that happened to me in this past year). I'm trying hard to roll with things. Sometimes I can do it. Sometimes I can't.

Guess I kinda look the same. Maybe. Not sure.

Hard for me to tell. I'm still revved most of the time, Intensity Entity on overload, brain in fast gear, racing a mile a minute, sometimes hard to breathe when I'm so jazzed, - so normal seems very different. My beautiful daughter, Kate, said something to me the other day.

For a long time, she's been working on a photography project called Wardrobe Remix.

Every day, she takes a picture of herself in whatever colourful outfit she's put together, and then posts it online. (the above pic was taken on her last day of high school, as she was leaving those five years in the past)

She said doing the wardrobe remix pic every day was a way to "hold herself accountable," forcing her to be motivated to put herself together, look good and jumpstart another good day. She is filled with positive energy. (exactly as I was at 19 too).

(above pic taken at Mum's house, one of the last times Kate was at her Gramma's place before it was sold and out of our lives).

I guess it's a bit like this blog, (and lately, like my daily trips to the hospital). It all motivates me to get up, get going, get my act together try to LOOK normal, even if nothing else inside FEELS that way.

On Saturday, instead of going to the hospital, I went grocery shopping. That felt pretty good. "Normal."

(Looks like I didn't buy much, but this was the SECOND cartload. I had already packed the first load into the car!)

The kids (Robyn, Max, Damian & Kate) ordered pizza from Amato Pizza. They were four dollars under the limit for delivery, so asked for an order of "Crazy Sticks" (not even knowing what they were!) Damian said, "Definitely go for THESE!!" When this taste treat arrived, the Crazy Sticks turned out to be twisted garlic sticks! I hate garlic (or it hates me), so when they told me what they were, I shouted, "That's just CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY!!" Everyone was laughing. It was great. That felt normal. (for the record, the kids say Crazy Sticks are delicious).

On Friday afternoon, I attended Max's weekly concert at rock camp. There was a "mosh pit" in front. Diehard campers were rocking to the performances, cheering on each band.

Max's band was called Santino Goes to Rynland. They performed High Road Easy,(Sass Jordan), and an unbelievably tight SLOW version of Michael Jackson's Thriller. It was intense. I loved it. I was proud of their work. Watching them, that felt normal.

Max's girlfriend, Robyn came to the concert. Seeing them, happy together, (and ya, even seeing Max's hickey!), felt normal.

Kids can make you feel that way.

Even if it's not completely true. I'm learning to live with "the new normal." If I can figure out what it all means, how it fits together, might even learn to embrace it.

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