Lain's Log

I'm tattooed! (gak)

July 4/11.

Another July 4th entry? Yep. More to tell!

Did something so unlike me today. Went to a hospital appointment knowing absolutely NOTHING about what was going to happen. (You may realize I usually research the hell out of everything and know WAY too much information. - Not this time).

Some people think I'm insane for wanting to know everything. Can't help myself. Old reporting habits die hard. Just don't like surprises, (at least, when it comes to medical issues). - You can surprise me about ANYTHING ELSE, OK? (Especially FUN stuff - LOVE it!) But not about pain and procedures. But with everything else going on at Mum's place obsessing my brain, just couldn't bring myself to read the brochures and books about radiation. I'll find out soon enough.

I actually managed to LISTEN to one friend, who suggested a few months back that it's pointless to prejudge the pain you may or may not feel and that the only thing you succeed at by doing this, is psyching yourself out and creating needless anxiety.

Didn't understand, or believe this advice at first, but now, I do - and will pass it along to anyone else going through something similar.

However, there WAS a surprise today. The lovely radiation oncologist I was to see again today, Dr. Koch, was away sick, so I had to see a different doctor altogether - Dr. Lui. I waited for about 45 minutes in the Princess Margaret Hospital Radiation Therapy Centre. I counted 22 other patients ahead of me, all sitting in an open-spaced, comfy area. It's hard to watch. Some of these people are bald, others wear wigs or bandanas. I paced, took notes and thought how lucky I am to have avoided chemo and to still have my hair and feel really good (scared, but energized and good). I noticed a computer, set up for patients, showing a list of all the radiation treatment rooms - which ones running on time, which behind. (only ONE was behind by half an hour).

My appointment today was to set up computerized radiation therapy treatment planning. It involved a CT scan of the breast area, and later, some needles to inject tattoo ink so the technicians know exactly where to radiate. As I waited, and paced back and forth, could see behind a door into a hallway. Saw people as they entered, then exited, changed into gowns and got ready for their daily radiation. Kept thinking, that will be ME next week. My heart was racing and I was feeling hot flashes. (are they real hot flashes, or just brought on by what I'm watching?) I feel for each and every person in this waiting room.

While waiting, sat and thought about friends, relatives, memories, all kinds of crazy things. Suddenly thought of Rob Davidson's laugh. Always loved his laugh. So genuine. Whenever he laughed during a conversation with me, it made me feel I was actually funny! I told him so tonight, in a FB pop-up chat. What a good guy and great friend he is - (and he's a survivor too!) Greek lunch on the Danforth with Bonnie soon, OK Rob?

Finally got taken in for my scan. Two beautiful young women took care of me. They told me exactly what to expect and all went well, including the four tattoos. (And yes, they stung like hell. But I did it)!

My technician was a bit taken aback when I asked if she'd snap a picture for the blog. She said it was the first time anyone ever asked her to do this! (So, I surprised HER!!) Wanna tell it like it is.

After it was all over, - back to civilian clothing and to the fabulous city streets. Whew.

Will find out my radiation schedule soon. Later tonight, Carrie will forward me pics she took at Mum's house of the furniture being moved out. I hated to miss it, but couldn't be helped. Carrie told me she only broke down when she saw Mum's bed being removed and carted away. Sigh.

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