Harsh Words Hit and Hurt my Daughter - then Me
July 24/16.
Hi!
Remember me? Ha! Doubtful. - Been a long time.
Haven't written on the blog since 9/11 - 2014, - almost two years ago.
Thought I'd try my hand, - (or keyboard), once again.
This entry? - inspired by someone who said something exceedingly mean to me. - Enough to leave me in tears and want to chronicle what happened. - Maybe I can figure it out.
But mostly, it's about people attacking and criticizing my daughter, Kate, for her first essay contribution to The Establishment online site - (published July 11).
Bit 'o history. - Lain's Log began as a tell-it-like-it-is medical blog about my breast cancer experience. Easy to conjure up material, after so many visits at Princess Margaret Hospital. My goal as a reporter, was, - no candy coating, - only the unvarnished truth, (for those also afflicted with breast cancer, who might want to know what it's actually like. - At least, for from one person's perspective).
I covered a gamut of issues and experiences.
Example. - Core needle biopsy. - Does it hurt to have a gun-like instrument held by a doctor, against your breast, and have him shoot it three times into your flesh, grabbing tissue samples and yanking them out to be tested?? - Thankfully, after begging for the pain-killing Lidocaine, (local anesthetic injected into the area to numb it), I needn't have worried about this scary-sounding procedure. Can honestly say, I felt NO pain whatsoever.
"Hey LAAAAADY!!!!
There's a blogger writing about you"! She's got a notebook and poison pen, ready to reveal your appalling attitude toward the world! - Run for your life"!!
I didn't use names, but a description and time the person was working at their particular office, - the manner used to "greet" frightened women, combined with quotes from my own encounter. - Then I'd casually mention to the Dr, - "I blog about my experiences", passing him (or her), a post-it note with the LINK, urging, - "Check it out because you might just be IN it"!
NEXT time I saw the unpleasant greeter, - feeling horribly apprehensive about my procedure, - she welcomed me warmly, asked if I was comfortable and said the doctor would see me soon and be very gentle with the needles. - He'd read the blog! - I KNEW - he "GOT to her."
The POWER of words!
(On the flip side, - I was ALWAYS complimentary of any staff member, nurse or doctor who was kind or helpful, - and there were MANY).
With the medical stories calming down, thank goodness, this writing platform morphed into a "Mom blog" for a while, - a title I despise! - HATE being called MOM, - (the way all the American TV show kids address their mothers). - "Awwwww MOM! - Sorry Biffy, but my stupid MOM won't let me out of jail till I finish my homework".
Just to be clear, - I am MUM. That's what we called OUR mother. - And for the record, I rarely reminded or forced my kids to do their homework. If they didn't complete it, - that was THEIR business and THEY could face the consequences.
(But of course, if they ASKED me, I'd be right there).
FLASH FORWARD SEVERAL YEARS!
Look how they turned out! - Amazing, determined, intelligent, thoughtful, challenging, bright, beautiful, funny, talented, adventurous and on and on.
Now - switching gears to my daughter.
At 24, Kate completed her four-year journalism program at Ryerson, and long before graduating, was pitching, writing and making money through magazines, websites and ads from her own sex blog. When she painstakingly composed a courageous, heartfelt, honest and personal story called The Dangers of Dating Faux-Feminist Men for The Establishment,
compliments rolled in from those who understood, related and agreed with her opinions. - But just as suddenly, the "haters and trolls" came out of the woodwork, lashing out in anger, taunting, calling her names and hurling insults.
The story definitely touched nerves and Kate found herself deluged with negative responses coming her way through every social medium.
Many criticized her attitudes on feminism, while others attacked Kate herself, tossing vitriol, verbal stones for expressing her own raw opinions. Some of the offensive remarks became frightening, - even threatening. - Though shaken, and admitting to having a hard time time dealing with people so determined to destroy her, Kate took them all on, in her usual brave way, - boldly responding to many of the messages she received.
Other followers, friends and fans counteracted, praising her work.
The story took on a life of its own. For several days, the candid article landed her #1 on the site's "Most Established" list.
Jessica Sutherland, head of social media at The Establishment, explained to me, "The anti-feminist crowd is very vocal, but I think Kate's piece resonated with more people than it rankled. - The positive shares are what LEADS the trolls to notice it in the first place"!
It's hard to fathom the idea, - so many men believe the word FEMINIST translates to man hater. - Couldn't be further from the truth. -
Ha! - In fact, I happen to know, there are countless men Kate adores! - Take THIS guy!
Benedict Cumberbatch.
So, my darlin' daughter, has fought her way through the firestorm and is already on to new, hot and exciting adventures & projects. She'll continue to speak her mind and there's so much more ahead for this brilliant young writer. Keep an eye out for her.
As for ME? - The hurtful remarks are nothing compared to what Kate faced. - Just over a month ago, someone said something very mean to me. - (not about Kate, - but myself), and I can't seem to get past it.
As a Libra, (sign of the scales), - representing balance, harmony and peacekeeping, I've always despised fights, controversy, intense or heated arguments. - Try to back away from them whenever possible.
Strange, since I've so often found myself caught up in a swirling, virtual, volatile vortex of emotional turbulence. Sometimes inescapable.
The pain and symptoms of a tirade most often stays inside you, where others can't see them, or even realize you are confused, crushed or hurt.
After coming up against that kind of blast, you'd think it would be like water off a duck's back. - Nope.
At any rate, what this person told me was really only one sentence, startling, crass, mean-spirited, unexpected, painful and hurt me very much.
BULL'S EYE!)
But perhaps it was said without malice, with no idea it would stab me in the heart, leaving me in a state of sadness. - (Photo taken years ago at a train station, after seeing my grandfather in England, following what I thought would be my first and last visit with him). - Another "go-to" photo. - (There's no FAKING sadness).
Worse still, this comment came from a person I've always been good to, treated with kindness and generosity over years. For that reason, - the fact that I care, shows me I can forgive, but not forget, - yet.
I haven't spoken to this person since the comment was made, and likely won't ask about it until I figure out and understand it myself. Haven't even glanced at their Facebook page. Not once.
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******July 29/16.
This upsetting issue (my own), - has now been resolved. I'm leaving the blog entry up, but any readers seeing it as of this date, should know, it's OK. Worked out by both of us.
Still hurts, but - I've come to an understanding - (50/50 brought upon by me), with this special person in my life. Thank you for helping to straighten things out.
The whole thing makes me want to take off for.....I don't know...someplace, - maybe familiar, like --
Or how about going back to
(Hey Kate! - maybe we can return to the Sex Museum, steal this sign and flash all the "haters")!
Nah. I know you're nicer than that.
So, - will leave you with Kate. - If my own daughter can survive, overcome and be even stronger after facing verbal slings and arrows, - hell, I should be able to dodge ONE stinging sentence, - don't you think?
posted by Elaine Loring @ 9:34 p.m.
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